Eastenders: The Boat Party Episode Four

(Friday 21^st February 2020)

Everything comes to a head at the boat party as Ben makes it clear he would have no qualms in shooting his father for the sake of his boyfriend. Phil releases Keanu who attempts to make his escape, only to be collared by Ben. The two men fight and fall off the boat. Both survive but by the end of the episode, still not clear as to where Callum is, Ben appears to have seriously damaged his hearing.

Below deck, Ian does the right thing and desperately breaks Dennis free of his prison and together, they fight their way through the flooded corridor. Unfortunately, it’s too late and it looks like both of them are about to drown…

Back on the Square, Martin, who has been bizarrely absent from the big week and the big Keanu storyline, being that he has been so involved up to now, returns home from drinks with his mates from football, to find Sonia in a right old state. Not only has she not been able to get hold of Bex to warn her about the drugs she bought, there’s a dead man on her kitchen floor.

As the rescue takes place, the partygoers gather on lifeboats, desperately seeking their loved ones. Kat and Kush have done a good job of looking after Bex, who is desperately regretful of her actions. Mick manages to rescue Linda at the last minute and Stuart and the others on their lifeboat, drag the couple to safety.

Kathy turns into a midwife and safely delivers Sharon’s baby, who arrives just in time for the paramedics to arrive. Apart from Doctors, obviously, these soaps do not celebrate the wonderful NHS at all. Sharon is rushed to Walford General and weirdly, so are all the casualties of the boat party, despite it not being possible that that could be the most local hospital to them. But Sharon’s joy turns to heartbreak when Keanu breaks the news to her that Dennis has drowned. Ian too is destroyed by the news, broken by his own guilt. Well, a lot of people need to feel guilty, really. If Sharon hadn’t lied to him, he wouldn’t have got on the boat. Phil, Ben and Keanu caused the boat to crash in the first place. And of course, Ian locked him down there in the first place. But let’s not forget why he locked him down there. Because he was a bully and a thug and his behaviour nearly killed Bobby. So let’s not shed too many tears for him, eh? All in all, if someone had to die, he was probably the best candidate!

By the end of the episode, Sharon is broken, Ian is wracked with guilt, Ben appears to have lost his hearing, Bex has seen to error of her rebellious ways, Whitney has handed herself into the police for Leo’s death, Linda and Mick are back together and she is ready to seek help for her alcohol addiction, Callum is still missing, Denny and Leo are both dead and Keanu has skipped the country. Happy 35^th birthday, Eastenders. You gave us a good ‘un!

Eastenders is on BBC1 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (7:30pm/8:00pm)

Eastenders: The Boat Party Episode Three

(Thursday 20^th February 2020)

The partygoers are clinging to help in the water as the boat begins to sink in the Thames. The bust of the Queen Victoria sinks. Nooooo!

Seven Hours Earlier…

Ben is going out of his mind trying to save Callum. Meanwhile, Sharon lies to Denny, confirming that Phil and Ben killed Keanu. She then pledges a future to him, just them and the baby. I’m not sure I could think of anything worse! While she packs up, ready to leave, Ben drags her to the funeral home, holding her hostage in a bid to exchange her for Callum. Sharon is horrified to learn what Keanu has done and insists to Ben that she has changed her mind about leaving with Keanu – it’s just her and Denny now. She then goes into labour.

Phil is laying low with a gun in the cellar of the Queen Vic with Shirley, having set her on the case of locating Callum while he tracks Keanu down. He breaks into Karen’s house, where she is excitedly getting ready for the boat party, threatening her and demanding to know where her son is.

Ignoring calls from Karen while he attempts to track Sharon down, Keanu bumps into Denny who realises that Sharon has lied to him. The angry teenager then heads off to the boat party. Sharon breaks up with Keanu on the phone and begs him to let Callum go. Keanu mentions that Denny went to the boat party and is determined to fight for Sharon and the baby. Sharon begs Ben for help, prompting him to call Kathy before heading to the boat himself. Things get tense between Karen and Phil. Billy arrives and knocks Phil out but not for long. He overhears them mentioning Keanu heading for the boat. He’s off!

Alone, Callum manages to release himself from his ties (he couldn’t have done that days ago?) but he falls during his escape and ends up in more danger. When Shirley comes to rescue him, she can’t find him. You know… I’m starting to doubt his credibility when it comes to being a copper…

On the boat, at least a few people are having a good time but out on deck, Phil lays into Keanu who can only apologise for his behaviour. It’s genuinely sad to see the breakdown of their relationship. Phil saw Keanu as a son and more than angry, he is hurt by his betrayal. And Keanu, who never had a Dad, saw Phil as the only father figure he’d ever known.

Phil and Keanu finally come face to face…

Phil almost takes pity on him but then Shirley rings to say that she can’t find Callum anywhere. Believing that Keanu has lied to him again, he loses it and they fight. The Captain tries to break it up but gets knocked out, putting the whole boat in danger! A shot rings out but just hits the glass. Unfortunately, the brawling men knock the wheel, veering the boat off course and they hit a nearby ferry.

We see the devastation on board as everyone is thrown about, including Denny, locked up downstairs and Linda, getting her foot trapped as she reaches for a bottle of wine in the kitchen. Phil is ready to shoot Keanu but Ben turns his own gun on his father, refusing to let him kill Keanu; he is still the only person who knows where Callum is…

(Also, as an aside, separate to the episode, we’ve all now heard the news that the legendary Jude Brown has left Eastenders. Such a shame that she didn’t depart with a storyline befitting an incredible character as Dot Branning and a wonderful actress as June Brown. But many well wishes to June and thank you for all the memories.)

Eastenders is on BBC1 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (7:30pm/8:00pm)

Eastenders: The Boat Party Episode Two

(Tuesday 18^th February 2020)

At the beginning of this episode, there is chaos as the boat party comes to a close and emergency services are on site, getting people to the life boats. Ian is struggling in the water.

Seven hours earlier…

Sharon refuses to let Denny attend the boat party. Dottie is horrified to discover that Denny is behind the online posts about Bobby. I mean, if Dottie is judging you, mate, you’ve done something really bad! She’s the spawn of Nick Cotton!

Kathy and Ian argue over how he has treated Bobby, who has had a brick thrown through his window and is being abused online. Meanwhile, Bobby is walking through the Square with Habiba and Iqra when they are jumped by some racist thugs. They shout abuse and there’s one particularly vile moment when one lad grabs his crotch and tells the girls it’s Halal. I mean, they’re disgusting. It’s uncomfortable viewing to say the least. Bobby does his best to protect the girls but he gets severely beaten. I actually couldn’t watch most of it; it was too upsetting.

Bex witnesses the whole thing and attempts to frighten them away by calling the police. She has just come back from buying pills from the dealer Dottie hooked her up with. She tells Dottie about the attack, prompting Dottie to reveal that Denny is behind the online abuse. Against Dottie’s wishes, Bex texts Ian to tell him what she knows.

Ian and Kathy rush to the hospital to be with Bobby, who is critically ill and has been taken into surgery. However, when Ian gets Bex’s text, he rushes to the boat party to confront Denny. He locks him in the changing room in the downstairs of the boat, which we know from Monday’s episode, gets flooded. Ooh… will Denny die? Finger’s crossed!

Max and Jack end up in a fight when Jack reveals that Lauren and Peter have broken up. Jack has been helping Lauren and sending her money. A lot of cruel words are spoken and fists fly. But it’s a good way of throwing out a lot of Eastenders history (Abi’s death, Jack’s daughter Penny being in a wheelchair, not to mention actually existing). Soon after, we hear what sounds like a gunshot, which is presumably connection to Ben/Phil/Keanu.

At the hospital, Kathy gets an urgent call from Ben, needing help. She then calls a mystery friend for help. And who is it that shows up at the hospital? Peter Beale! With a new but genuinely similar face for a change, not like the usual recasts. Kathy meets Ben to find that Sharon is in labour! Ben leaves but Kathy is genuinely amazing to Sharon and supports her through her labour, reminding her that they are both from a line of strong women. In the sweetest moment of the week so far, Sharon tells Kathy that she misses her Mum.

“Me too,” Kathy says.

They hug. Then Kathy notices that Sharon is bleeding.

Kathy looks after Sharon in her time of need…

Meanwhile, Sonia is on edge at the arrival of the police. Well, there is a dead man in her kitchen and evidently, that’s not what the coppers are there for. They are investigating a dealer selling dodgy pills and Bex’s number was one of the last people to call her. Bex isn’t in trouble but they are concerned for her welfare. No wonder she is feeling rough on the boat! Luckily, Kush and Kat on hand to look after her. For now.

When the boat hits, Ian panics and rushes below deck to rescue Denny but he can’t find the key. Then the second shudder happens and more alarms go off. He drops the keys and his glasses (it’s all very Titanic). Denny is panicking and begging for help. In a very un-Kate-Winslet-like move, Ian backs away. Will he really let Denny die?

Eastenders is on BBC1 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (7:30pm/8:00pm

Eastenders: The Boat Party, Episode One

(Monday 17^th February 2020)

Well, it’s a special occasion so I thought I’d write day by day for this one. You don’t turn thirty five every day, do you? So, the plan for these episodes is to tell the story of one day, each episode focussing on one set of characters. A bit like Emmerdale did the other week. This episode is all about The Carters and Whitney.

For starters, the show has changed its credits to much, much darker ones… Ooh! A bit like Coronation Street did last week. Then at the beginning of the episode, there is chaos in the water as the boat is sinking. Jack yells Whitney’s name. Sonia and Big Mo are screaming and shouting. Ben looks stunned. There’s a body bag. So someone is dead. It had better not be Tracey, that’s all I can say! The emergency services are there, which is unusual. Usually in these sorts of situations in a soap, the untrained cast members have to resolve things themselves!

Seven Hours Earlier…

So, the locals are gearing up to celebrate the Queen Vic being the Best Pub in London at boat party on the Thames. Linda is busy getting the party started early by getting extremely drunk, leading the one of the most epic fights soap has ever seen! There are punches and glasses thrown and everything! It’s so brilliantly staged! Jack the policeman just stands by and watches. It’s down to Tina and Kat to break it up.

Upstairs, Shirley is kind to Linda and admits that she has always been jealous of how much Mick loves Linda; she’s never had a relationship like that and never will. She begs her not to throw her marriage away.

Meanwhile, panicked Whitney calls the only man she can trust: Mick. Quite frankly, he just doesn’t need the stress of a dead body right now. Now, he does the kind thing and looks after Whitney but he does the stupid thing and attempts to cover it up. Leo died by accident. He was attacking Whitney. He died because he was stalking her and trying to kill her. But now they’ve left his body there, dressed Whitney up and taken her to a party with the murder weapon with the intention of dropping it in the Thames. So it’s going to look like she did it on purpose. The only thing she has on her side is his weird Loft House and Spy Hole.

Mick supports Whitney in the wake of Leo’s death…

Linda leaves Mick a heartfelt message, telling him that she still loves him and doesn’t want to lose him. However, she then sees Mick offering support to Whitney and gets the wrong idea. She packs everyone onto the bus (including the Queen Vic Bust) and demands the driver take off, leaving Mick, Whitney, Kat and Kush behind so they have to make their own way there. Charming!

On the boat, Linda is three sheets to the wind and behaving obnoxiously. She declares to the whole party that Mick and Whitney have been having an affair. Mick tells Whitney that he can’t go through with their plan. They have to tell the police the truth about what happened but he will take the blame for trying to lie. He can’t cover Leo’s death up; he has to be there for Linda and support her through her addiction.

Linda has made her way down to the kitchen where she gets the bright idea to balance on a little step to try and reach a bottle of wine of a shelf. Then the boat hits something (Big Mo suggests it’s an iceberg!), Linda falls and her ankle gets trapped between a unit and the counter (ouch, ouch, ouch!) I mean, the wine bottle falls down and everything but it probably wasn’t worth it.

The partygoers panic as the crew send everyone to the lifeboats, they are taking on water on the lower deck. Mick rushes down below to try and find Lina. It genuinely is like that scene in Titanic where Leo DiCaprio is handcuffed to the post and Kate Winslet has to axe him out of there, Kellie Bright being Jack and Danny Dyer being Rose! Only Jack was falsely imprisoned, Linda was drunk and incapable and trying to steal wine! As the room begins to flood rather quickly, Mick tries and fails to release Linda’s foot and keep her calm as she begs forgiveness for her behaviour. The boat shakes again and more alarms sound. Linda begs Mick to leave her but Mick refuses, telling her he loves her.

“If this boat goes down, I’m going down wiv ya!” #truelove

Sonia arrives home, having ditched her weekend away alone and gets rather a shock to find Leo dead on the kitchen floor. The police arrive and she looks awkward. So… did she call them about Leo or are they there for another reason?

Other things that happen in the episode that will presumably come to light later in the week:

Phil is hiding out on the boat with a gun,

Ben attempts to catch up with the boat,

Jack’s card is rejected,

Denise warns Jack that he needs to tell Ian that Lauren and Peter have split up,

Max ends up with a bloody nose but from who?

Tensions flare between Patrick and Isaac prompting Patrick to want to tell Isaac that he is his father,

Ian spends the whole party looking for Dennis,

There a bang that sounds like a gunshot!

Eastenders is on BBC1 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (7:30pm/8:00pm)

Doctors: Computer Control

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Al formulates an app that will predict cancellations, completely ignoring the fact that as an incredible receptionist, Karen can already predict this better than any computer. On the first day of the trial, Karen does indeed predict the cancellations and Al’s app, which double books appointments based on who it thinks will cancel, turns the surgery into absolute chaos. Patients end up waiting an hour and a half for appointments and even walking out. Bear persuades Al to give it up. Karen proudly shows him that at the beginning of the day that she was far more accurate with her predictions that his app could ever have been.

Staff at The Mill have begun to notice the growing attraction between Bear and Ayesha and I am not happy about it! Bear quizzes Karen about Ayesha’s relationship status and arranges to go to a CCG meeting with her followed by lunch. I remain convinced that he is behind Jimmi’s incarceration. The meal doesn’t go well, as just like during a recent meeting. Ignorant Bear spends most of the time on his phone. And I’m pretty sure he mentions something about a ‘lock up’. My suspicion grows. He becomes almost aggressively jealous on ‘Galentine’s Day’ when he mistakenly believes there’s something going on between Ayesha and Valerie. But thankfully, he seem to have blown it without even realising and when he gives Ayesha a Valentine’s Day present; she neither understands why he is bothering or how he can even afford such an expensive gift.

There’s a really sweet episode where Al gives up an afternoon at a comic convention to treat a nun with a UTI and then help another nun with kleptomania. She started stealing dog food when she angry with a supermarket for calling the police on a homeless man needing food for his dog and wouldn’t let her buy it for him. Then she started stealing hundreds of tins, all from the big supermarkets. Al refuses to let her hands the tins back or to turn herself in. It won’t do anyone any good. Instead, they donate the tins to a dog shelter who really need them, helping to absolve herself of her guilt.

In a rather hilarious episode, Karen gets drunk with a rather annoying friend of hers who is bitter and angry and having some sort of midlife crisis. She wants a career change and has dumped her boyfriend and is clearly jealous of Karen’s success. She’s even jealous of her head injury and memory loss! But Karen falling off the swings and generally being very funny is worth it for having to put up with her irritating mate.

Meanwhile, Emma helps Daniel and Zara with Joe’s blaster gun party which is absolute chaos. While Daniel joins in the fun, Zara attempts to control the chaos and Emma gets hilariously drunk. But the next door neighbour thinks that actual guns are being fired and calls the police. The next thing they know, armed police descend on the house, frightening everyone, apart from drunk Emma who finds the whole thing rather exciting. However, Joe and his friends think the police turning up has made it the best party ever!

Rob discovers Joe’s online friend, Pixie…

Rob comes to sort the whole situation out but he makes an even more alarming discovery when he gets chatting to Joe and discovers that he has been talking to a girl called Pixie online. It soon transpires that Pixie is actually Al and he was trying to prove to Daniel and Zara just how unsafe Joe is online. At first, Daniel is absolutely livid but surprisingly, Zara is quite reasonable and asks Al to help them protect Joe online. However, when he connects their phones to his tablet, Joe is able to see the content of their phones as well. Left in Valerie’s care, he casts his tablet to the main screen in the waiting room and accidentally plays one of Daniel’s video diaries to Valerie in the empty waiting room. Zara rushes out and stops it before making Al change the settings to block Joe from seeing their phone content. Later, Zara watches Daniel’s video diaries. Another step towards them getting back together?

Daniel and Zara discover that Al has been talking to their son online…

Emma is surprised when her old flame, Lena asks to book her spare room for the weekend, especially when she books it for Valentine’s Day. Lena has left her husband and has decided that she is much more interested in women and is a lot happier with herself and her life now than she was when they were together. Emma is about to make her move when Lena announces that she is six months (and eight days) into a new relationship. Then she asks if her girlfriend can stay as well, landing Emma with sharing a house with a very happy couple for the weekend! Poor Emma.

Rob and Emma support a grieving mother seek justice for her son, victim of a postcode killing by a gang of thugs. Valerie, meanwhile brings together a couple who have only communicated over playing chess on the Internet.

Doctors is on BBC1, weekdays at 1:45pm

Eastenders: The Curse of Queen Victoria

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Callum’s day go drastically wrong when Keanu shows up and abducts him! Poor Callum. See, this is why Ben warned you to stay away from him… Keanu then tracks Ben down and informs him that he wants £100,000 or Callum is dead. Honestly, I don’t know how these soap characters ever expect (or manage) to get hold of these kind of sums or money. It’s just unreasonable. Set your sights a bit lower, mate.

Anyway, Ben spends most of the episode fart arsing around really. He’s certainly not in much of a hurry. He mostly looks after poorly Lexi and looks a bit tense. Oh and he has a go at Martin for not actually committing murder when surely the fact that Keanu is indeed alive would solve most of his problems. Phil could return from exile and Louise would have a father for her child, to name a few. Martin then warns Karen to tell Keanu to back off his stupid idea when she gets hold of him. Phil returns to help Ben so I’m sure this will end marvellously.

Keanu meanwhile, is keen to run off with Sharon and start a whole new life with her and the baby. She manages to talk Denny round. However, she makes a big mistake by lying to him that Phil and Ben did indeed kill Keanu. I mean, they meant to kill him. They fully intended to kill him. But they didn’t do it. And she knows that. And if they do run off together, presumably with Denny, even he’s not dumb enough not to work that out so he’ll kick off yet again when he realises she lied to him while they were making up. For once, he might actually be justified for being an absolute brat. Honestly, he didn’t get any of his lovely Dad’s genes. RIP Dennis Rickman.

Mick and Linda put on a united front for the social worker but still Linda can’t get through it without a few swing of alcohol. She gets the wrong end of the stick when she spots Mick and the social worker talking at the bottom of the stairs and doesn’t believe Mick when he tries to explain. The truth is that he was reassuring her that Linda has never been unsafe with Ollie, which is of course a lie. Unsatisfied, Linda tracks the social worker down and attempts to explain herself, revealing the whole story of Ollie going up on the roof. Mick is absolutely furious. Not only has she revealed herself to be an unfit parent, she has also shown him up to be untrustworthy.

Linda announces the end of her marriage…

Linda takes things further by drunkenly berating Mick in front of the whole pub. Everyone is uncomfortable when she tells them that the Mick they all love didn’t protect her from being raped by Dean or protect Tina from Stuart. She then lays into him about having panic attacks. He manages to get in there first when she is about to announce that they are getting divorced. The moment gets even worse when she falls face first on the floor. Mick doesn’t help her up. He is disappointed the next day to realise that Linda has already sought legal advice from Gray, before she even handed him divorce papers. He goes home and sadly signs away his marriage, unable to change his wife’s mind.

Mo tells Daniel off for being so grumpy with Jean who is doing her best to look after him since he has been told that time is running out. He then buys Mo’s entire Valentine’s stock in a bid to make things up to Jean, wanting them to enjoy the time they have left together. Suki continues to try and gleam as much information as possible from Jean about living with cancer.

Still hurt over her parents’ lies, Bex decides to get a job and move in with Ash, Iqra, Habiba and Bobby. She doesn’t manage the job part but she does move out and she’s welcomed into the open arms of her friends. Bobby tries to enjoy a social life with his friends but they awkwardly alert him to some trolling online. That night, Dotty offers drugs to him and Bex. After his previous experience, he turns her down but Bex goes for it and even wants some more the next day. Not a good idea! Kathy alerts Ian to the online trolling of his son but Bobby doesn’t want his help.

Leo continues to spy on Whitney from the loft. He watches a heart to heart between Whitney and Kush as she reveals that she kept a letter that Tony sent her shortly before he died. Whitney lets Sonia down about the trip away, not feeling it would be right to go and enjoy herself when she has let Kat and Kush down so badly. She does however, go and make things right with Kat. While the house is empty, Leo ransacks the place looking for Tony’s letter. Whitney is shaken to find that someone has been in the house. The police follow protocol but Kat insists that it’s obvious who is behind the robbery. It’s confirmed when Whitney discovers that Tony’s letter is missing.

Things come to a head the next day when Leo confronts Whitney alone in the house with a knife. Trapped, with no exit, Whitney desperately tries to get away from him but things become physical and Leo hits his head. He slips on some spilled water, landing on top of Whitney, the knife between them, the blade stabbing him. Ding dong, Leo’s dead.

Eastenders is on BBC1 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (7:30pm/8:00pm)

Coronation Street: Otherwise Engaged

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Ryan is relieved to pay off his debt to Gary at last but he is soon set on a mission to buy an engagement ring for Maria on Gary’s behalf. Stupidly, Ryan brings the ring to the house when Gary isn’t there and then quickly backtracks, making Maria extremely suspicious that her boyfriend is up to no good again. When she then sees Gary taking pity on an old client and giving him some money as a gift and not a loan, as he’s determined not to be a loan shark anymore, she misreads the situation and becomes convinced that he hasn’t changed at all.

Maria turns to Ali for comfort and he is only too happy to slag Gary off and console Maria, which of course leads to them sleeping together because in soap, nobody can ever have a hug! Afterwards, Maria lays into Gary for his behaviour. Begging her to believe him, Gary brings both Ryan and his former client to see her and explain the situation. He produces the ring and proposes. Ryan is then left with the job to break the news to Ali that Gary and Maria do not look like they are going to break up any time soon. I’d also like to give a shout out to Mikey North who looked very fetching in Maria’s dressing gown.

Ray sets his sights on Alya, inviting her to a business meeting at a hotel and making her extremely uncomfortable. He is furious when Bethany bursts in, filming them, determined to prove that he is a sexual predator. It takes a while for Alya to really accept that she was about to become his next victim but eventually, she is on board and vocalises how he made her feel. Taking things further, Daniel and now unemployed Bethany get hold of Ray’s private accounts and managed to work out that several of his past employees have NDAs.

Bethany publicly reprimands Ray for what he is, in front of Abi who had no idea and a journalist who doesn’t quite know what to do but privately confirms the truth to Abi. Bethany writes an amazing article about Ray for the local paper, destroying his reputation, although he still denies any wrong doing. Abi feigns faith in him and attends a charity event with him at the Bistro. However, he is horrified to realise that she has invited all the victims that she could find. She then makes a public announcement about his crimes. He throws her out of the Bistro, only for her to steal his car and set fire to it. Good!

Having spent so much time working together against Ray, Bethany and Daniel grow closer and end up in bed together. While Bethany is unsure, Daniel tells her that Sinead left him a message telling him to move on and be happy. However, Beth is outraged that he has moved on so quickly, especially with the girl he kissed when Sinead was dying. Despite what he says, I don’t think Daniel really does like Bethany in that way. I think he just doesn’t want to be alone. In the end, I think she will get her heart broken.

Daniel and Bethany come out as a couple…

Sean and Mary have teething problems as they settle into living together at Eileen’s. Nick is dismissive when Eileen applies for a sales job at the factory but Sarah gives her an interview, where she loses her temper under pressure! It’s Alina the gets the job in the end and kindly Emma invites her to move into her and Seb’s spare room. Honestly, that girl is too kind for words! This has disaster written all over it!

David struggles to maintain family life alongside constant trips to Leeds to visit Shona, who doesn’t even want to see him anyway. Distracted and exhausted, David crashes his car and writes it off – with the kids in the back. Eventually, he accepts that he needs to slow down and focus more on the children, reducing his visits to the hospital.

Social Services decide that Fiz and Tyrone can supervise visits between Jade and Hope. Ken tells Peter and Tracy that he is thinking of moving into the retirement village but Claudia gets annoyed when he is vague. Peter and Tracy are mostly concerned that he may sell the house. James tests the waters when a colleague of Ed’s, Danny comes out to him. Ed isn’t horrible about it but he is awkward and struggles to let it go. Also, James and Danny clearly have history as the moment Ed’s back is turned, they’re all over each other!

Coronation Street airs on ITV on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:30/8:30pm

Emmerdale: Kidnapped!

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Pierce makes himself very comfortable with Kim who is surprisingly trusting, although Al threatens to derail his plans when he interrogates him about his qualifications and the name of his firm. He immediately investigates him and discovers that he’s spun a load of lies. But somehow, Pierce is able to explain everything away to Kim’s satisfaction.

Mandy brings April to the prison to see Marlon where he makes his daughter promise not to run away again. They leave him a #FreeMarlonDingle poster to keep him going. Rhona also comes to see him and poses her theory that Kim and Al are behind Graham’s death. She goes to the Outdoor Adventure site to try and find some evidence against Al and Kim. Dawn joins her and mentions that on the day he died, he locked Ryan up in a hut, panicking Charity that Rhona might connect her and Ryan to Graham’s death. She plays down what happened and Dawn apologises to Ryan, worried that she has caused him grief. Rhona is caught on CCTV and questioned by the police for the break in. Kim offers to drop the charges in exchange for a formal apology.

Things remain tense between Charity and Vanessa as Charity remains adamant that she needs to protect Ryan and Vanessa is determined to tell Rhona and the police the truth in order to unburden themselves, help Rhona find the missing pieces she needs and also help Marlon who is behind bars for a crime he didn’t commit. Just as an aside, Vanessa has a pretty hot picture of Charity as her wallpaper on her phone!

Having decided once and for all to tell Rhona the truth, Vanessa is stunned to come face to face with Pierce. He drags Vanessa and Johnny into Laurel’s empty house, absolutely livid to have been seen and therefore to have had his plan derailed. To be fair, he was literally walking out in the open in the middle of the village. What did he expect? It’s a wonder that only Kim and Al have seen him so far!

He puts Johnny upstairs and ties Vanessa up downstairs. He reveals some of his plans and that he killed Graham. They argue and he informs her that nobody is looking for her. Charity thinks that she is angry with her and has gone off on their honeymoon without her. To be fair, at first, people were looking for her but eventually, they just kind of gave up and do think she’s stropped off. Great friends and girlfriend and all that. There’s a horrible moment when Tracey nearly hears her calling and Pierce silences her. Then an even worse moment when she breaks free and they fight and it looks like Pierce might even kill her. But by the end of the week, poor Vanessa is still tied up, all her hope drained from her and worse, Pierce cuts off the baby monitor that lets her communicate with her son upstairs.

Luke appeals to Victoria on behalf of himself and his mother. He wants a relationship with her and now that Wendy has finally accepted that Lee was a rapist, she also wants a chance to get to know Victoria and be a grandmother to Harry. Wendy too tries to apologise to Victoria. Diane takes Wendy under her wing and learns more about her family life. She blames herself for Lee becoming a bully after she and her husband divorced but Diane thinks she is making excuses. Lots of children go through divorce and they don’t turn out the way he did. Include Luke, presumably! She recommends that Wendy give Victoria the space she needs to heal.

Victoria decides to make a go of things with Luke. I know viewers are very divided with this one. I mean, let’s face it, dating your rapist’s brother is very, very odd. But they have written it pretty well. He’s really lovely and there’s a lot of chemistry there. And they’re also not rushing it so, I’m sort of behind them. At the very least I’m willing to see where it goes.

Victoria is utterly exhausted before they even go on their date and ends up falling asleep. Being a gentleman, Luke tucks her up on the sofa and tidies her house. When she wakes up, they watch a film at home together. How sweet.

Cain looks out for Matty on the farm as they become the victim of rustlers. See, they say soaps don’t teach you anything. If someone had asked me last week what a rustler was, I would have suggested it was a person eating crisps in a noisy fashion. Apparently not. These people are after the livestock at the farm. Suddenly noisy crisp eaters aren’t so offensive. No, that’s a lie. Noisy crisp eaters are always offensive. Just as Amy and Matty are about to be taken down by said rustlers, Moira appears out of nowhere, sober and armed with a gun to scare them off! Like a farming superhero! But still sore from her previous behaviour, Matty doesn’t trust her and runs off, worried that she is drunk and out of control. She manages to prove that she has turned things around and is thrilled to be reunited with all her sons.

Kim cancels Andrea’s prospective tenancy, prompting her to threaten to move out of the village completely and take Millie with her. Jamie has other things on his mind, however, when he finds himself back in Belle’s arms. But things come to a swift half when Kim catches them and warns Belle off.

Pete, one of the least interesting soap characters to have ever existed, shuffles out of the Dales. Liv celebrates her eighteenth birthday. Will plans a romantic getaway for Harriet. Despite Leanna objections, Liam and Leyla decide to make a go of things.

Emmerdale is on at 7pm Monday to Friday with a second episode at 8pm on Thursdays

Hollyoaks: Man Up is a Destructive Phrase!

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Edward traumatises Tony at the pig farm…

Diane rightfully frets about her husband’s whereabouts as his monster of a father has taken him to the pig farm. Tony is terrified as Edward forces him in to the barn to confront his fears. When he steps into the cell he called home for months, he locks him in, shouting at him to be a man and sort himself out. Tony does indeed make a breakthrough and does determine to start afresh and fight for himself and his family. He returns home with a whole new perspective on life. He is determined to be a good father and a good husband.

Now, I can’t work out if Edward had intended to break Tony completely at the farm or if his whole plan had been to build him up and break him down. But break him down he does. He is full of snide remarks the next day and by the middle of the week, he is worse than he was before. With Edward setting traps like leaving lolly pops in the house and messages in the mirror, Tony becomes scared and paranoid that Breda might still be alive. Eventually, he agrees to get professional help, which Edward immediately attempts to talk him out of.

Diane is angry with Edward for damaging Tony further by taking him to the pig farm. Edward rejects at call from Tony on Diane’s phone. Tony reluctantly goes to see the Nancy lookalike therapist. She tells him that the things Edward has been saying to him are destructive and asks him to let her help him get better. Tony comes home feeling really positive after his session. He’s cleared his head and has been given medication. He takes Diane out on a Valentine’s date. Now, what’s the betting that at some point, Edward is going to mess with Tony’s meds?

Brody and Warren are very snappy with each other on their Seeking Sienna Road Trip. Thank goodness for Joel and his sing along Proclaimers! Genuinely, the highlight of the week! The boys do bond, however, when Warren opens up to them about his life growing up in a children’s home. When the boys return home empty handed, Warren is quickly arrested but Brody is persuaded to go against Sienna’s claims and get Warren off the charges. What a fool! Well, he pays for it pretty immediately when Sienna finally gets in touch and realises what he’s done. Any hope he had of a reunion are well and truly over. He’s already got her sister pregnant and now he’s betrayed her with the man who stole her kids. What a moron.

Damon supports Liberty at her twelve week scan, as she frets over being abandoned by both Brody and Sienna. He leaves Brody a voicemail about the scan. Brody lays into Warren who ends up consoling and counselling him. Brody gets to the scan just in time. Elated over their baby, Brody and Liberty kiss. What a surprise. Liberty confides in Damon about the kiss. Brody confides in Joel. Liberty decides to leave the village but Brody doesn’t want her to. Liberty assures Brody that her feelings for him are under control. Brody admits that he has feelings for her too but it’s not the right time. What they don’t know is that there is a live feed filming them from the doll’s house straight to Sienna who is plotting her revenge. Psycho Sienna is back!

Joel organises a speed dating night at The Dog. Warren is the only one who pulls and he’s not even participating! The next morning, Mercedes and Goldie return from their holiday and are shocked to find Warren living at the pub (along with the two girls he brought back the night before). She throws the girls out and argues with Warren: cue the beginning of an ignited romance. They’re in bed with each other before the end of the episode! Honestly, is there no such thing as romance anymore?!

Warren and Mercees can’t resist each other…

Ollie gets over excited when he discovers that Brooke has bought baby clothes. He messes up his Valentine’s Day date by buying booties for the baby and bringing up the idea of raising the baby again. Ollie confides in Luke about Brooke and the baby. Luke pledges his support to Ollie, who is thrilled at the thought that he and Luke could bring the baby up together. Of course, Ollie doesn’t know about Luke’s illness. Also, when did Ollie break his leg?

Maxine is horrified to learn she is being evicted for non-payment of rent. Her landlady is also a Poundland version of Grace Black. While Maxine stalls by falling back on her imaginary illness, the landlady gives her a day to stump up some of the cash but if she doesn’t hand it over, there’ll be trouble. She leaves Minnie with Damon but doesn’t tell him the real reason why. With no options left, Maxine turns to Liam for help. He feigns friendship, pretending that he doesn’t blame her for Jesse’s death when he clearly does and gives her a job at the salon.

Maxine thinks Liam is being kind by giving her a job at the salon…

Channel 4 at 6:30pm or a sneak peek 7pm on E4

These reviews are based on the E4 episodes

Neighbours: Plain Jane Super Brain

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Jane Harris returns to Erinsborough and she seems to have a real spring in her step. It soon transpires, at least to us, that she has a new man in her life. However, all is not as it seems as she speaks to him on the phone about making a ‘transfer’ and by the next day, the champagne she’s bought and the hotel room she’s decorated have all gone to waste and her mood is completely destroyed. Poor Jane.

When Paul spots Jane in a state, demanding that her room be cleaned up (and also claiming that the decoration was a mistake), he takes it as another opportunity to lay into Chloe. However, he is suitable concerned about Jane’s state of mind and frustrated when she won’t open up to him. She does open up to Dipi though. Richard, the man she has been talking to online, now doesn’t want anything to do with her – since she transferred him all of her savings. Dipi is supportive and encourages her to speak to the police. Jane remains convinced that it’s all a misunderstanding until Dipi discovers that the photo he used is a stock photo from the Internet. Jane starts a job teaching at the school where Harlow behaves really oddly around her. Susan, who is already perplexed that Jane would accept such a junior position, catches Jane searching through files in her office.

With Paul still on her back and fearing she is not impressing Lucy, Chloe comes up with the idea of holding a wedding expo at the hotel. Her USP is that she is able to get a vaguely royal wedding dress. Elly helps her prep, giving hope to all the #chelly fans out there. She pitches the idea to Paul, who remains unconvinced. However, all the Neighbours fans out there will be aware that the show’s 35^th birthday is coming up soon and it will fear FIVE WEDDINGS (and three deaths!) so presumably Chloe’s idea will be a success (please let Skye and Lana be one of the weddings! Please!)

Finn opens up to Bea and Susan about his father, Trent and considers contacting him. Interfering Bea jumps the gun and contacts him herself. Always helpful. She and Elly arrange to meet Trent and discover that he did gather together the ransom money to rescue his son. Unfortunately, being an alcoholic at the time, he got drunk, slept with a woman at his hotel and she stole the cash. He then left Columbia with his tail between his legs and Finn was left abandoned to his kidnappers as his wife was only ever interested in rescuing Shaun. While Bea and Elly are eager for Trent to reconnect with Finn, they implore him not to tell him that he was too drunk and useless to save him.

Father and son do reconnect but Finn grows suspicious when he later sees Trent and Elly arguing. He confronts Elly and Bea over what they are clearly keeping from him. They are forced to tell him the truth. He is devastated and storms out. Elly catches up with him and he opens up to her about everything he went through and how his parents let him down.

Desperate to resolve the situation with Zenin, Ned enlists Kyle’s help in buying a gun from him and reporting it to the police to get him arrested. Unfortunately, Yashvi finds the gun and is utterly furious with Ned for his stupid plan. The next day, having reported it all, Zenin isn’t immediately arrested, although the police assure them they are dealing with it. Later, Zenin texts Yashvi. Something odd is going on…

Meanwhile, poor Kyle is an absolute mess. While Aaron and David and a very excited and supportive Paul are getting very excited about Mardi Gras, there is a very cute moment where a confetti cannon explodes and Kyle nearly craps himself. He later sets one off on purpose to prove he’s fine.

Against Shane’s request, Karl is busy keeping an eye on Dipi and Gary and is shocked when he witnesses the pair seemingly too comfortable together at the house. However, Dipi decides that now might be the time to try and speak to Shane. Unfortunately, that all goes out the window when Shane and Roxy get rostered on together and Dipi witnesses them sharing a bit of a moment. Furious, she comes home to rant to Gary. Karl peers over the fence at just the wrong moment – Dipi plants a kiss on stunned Gary. Overwhelmed with guilt, Dipi resolves to tell Shane the truth but of course, meddling Karl gets there first. Shane is furious but also deeply hurt when he realises that Dipi initiated the kiss. Karl is apologetic, especially when he realises that the woman he overheard him lamenting over was actually Prue, not Dipi.

Dipi and Shane finally talk things through, leading him to make a really sweet romantic gesture. He takes them through their whole relationship, reminding them of everything they’ve been through and pledging his commitment to their future. Now, we know from the promo for their 35^th anniversary that three people are going to die. Shane and Dipi have been through a massive upheaval. Now they’re desperately in love again. They are prime candidates for being killed off…

Channel 5, 1:45pm and 5:30pm