Eastenders: The Lies We Tell

(Monday 2^nd – Friday 13^th March 2020)

Jean gives Daniel’s special bed to Suki. When Suki doesn’t know enough about her treatment, Jean takes her on as a project, wanting to ensure she is getting the best care possible. She even falls out with Shirley, who begins to question the validity of Suki’s illness as they scatter Daniel’s ashes and Suki shows no signs of being unwell. Jean finally accepts what Shirley is telling her (I really do love their friendship) and sets about proving Suki’s lies, outing her as a fake in public.

Surprisingly, Suki admits fairly easily to her children that she has indeed been lying to them and then justifies it, claiming she had to do anything necessary to get her family back together. Ash and Kheerat drag her over to Jean’s to apologise for the way she has abused her trust and her situation. It does not go well.

Masood gifts Keegan and Iqra his old ice cream van for their business but Keegan’s day goes from high to low when someone breaks into the flat and robs them. Keegan and Tiffany give chase, only for the guy to steal Tiffany’s new wedding ring. Keegan chases the guy down and they scuffle, only for the police to grab Keegan instead and the thief runs off. The thief is white, of course. Who else would the police go for?

Ian lies to Peter and allays his concerns that he harmed Dennis, explaining away what happened. Ian then threatens Dotty, making it clear that nobody would believe her, no matter what rumours she tried to spread. However, later, Dotty listens to pocket voicemail from Dennis, crying out for Ian, who has locked him up. She uses it to blackmail him into buying The Arches for her.

Despite Sonia’s protestations, Bex heads off to go travelling, without a single remark from a single person about the risks of the Coronavirus.

Lola is shocked to discover that she is pregnant. Jay looks a hell of a lot happier about it than she does and while he is keen to become a family, Lola arranges to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible. Things get more awkward when Jay goes ahead and proposes. She then improves the situation by sleeping with Peter after a row after turning down his proposal. As if nobody saw that one coming! Well, poor Jay didn’t, I suppose. And Lola doesn’t tell him. She has the termination and they decide to carry on as they were. I can really see that working out…

Rainie is horrified when she comes face to face with an ex-client at the undertakers. Wanting to make her happy and prove his commitment to her, Stuart takes a leaf out of Jay’s book (because that went so well) and proposes to Rainie. It goes even worse than Jay’s proposal! She shouts at him in the middle of the restaurant and practically lobs the ring across the room!

Gray is under pressure at work, having taken on two difficult cases with Kush and Whitney. He is working for Kush for free and Whitney’s case is unlikely to be won. He is already in trouble for taking Leo on as an employee in the first place (so you’d think in reality that would create a conflict of interest so he wouldn’t actually be allowed to take the case). His boss warns him to persuade Kush to plead guilty or things could become much more difficult at work. He succeeds in manipulating Kush, convincing him that it will help Whitney’s case if he pleads guilty.

Mitch unwittingly causes trouble for his daughter…

However, when Whitney is refused bail, Gray is suspended from his firm. Stuck for money and with no work at the salon, Chantelle is tempted to take up some hours with Kheerat. I’m sure Gray will be thrilled at the idea of his wife working with the Panesar Brothers! She encourages Gray to continue working on Whitney’s case by himself, which will impress his bosses into lifting his suspension. Not wanting anyone to know what has happened, he goes out to a hotel to work, only to be seen. Rather than confronting him, Mitch phones Gray’s employers and learns about his suspension. He speaks to Gray without having any idea of the consequences of his actions.

Storming home, Gray immediately accuses frightened Chantelle of telling Mitch about his suspension. He then beats the living daylights out of her. Leaving the house, Karen pulls him into the pub, where everyone is waiting to celebrate him for working on Whitney’s case for nothing and despite the way his firm has treated him. He is flabbergasted. He then feels overwhelmed with guilt when he discovers that Chantelle did not tell Mitch about his suspension after all.

Meanwhile, Whitney remains on a hunger strike in prison. She has also stops taking water. One of the prison guards keeps trying with her but she doesn’t want to know; she has given up hope. By the end of the episode, she is suffering hallucinations of herself as a child and Tony’s voice. Worse than that, she can hear Atomic Kitten’s ‘Whole Again’ on repeat. Then she collapses.

Neighbours: #ThatLucyAndMarkSpark

(Monday 16^th March 2020)

‘The Promise’ by Girls Aloud plays as the Lassisters Wedding Expo gets underway and Wedding Number One kicks off: Lucy and Mark G, twenty years in the making. They even have their own hashtag apparently! #ThatLucyAndMarkSpark

Lucy and Jane discuss weddings gone by, including Paul’s many wives and of course, the glorious Scott and Charlene. #EspeciallyForYou Meanwhile, Mark G is beginning to panic. The last time he had a wedding, he walked out, having decided to become a priest. Poor Annalise (remember her?)

While Finn feigns enthusiasm for his relationship with Bea and their first holiday together, he offers to be helpful and take Susan’s forgotten folder to the Wedding Expo. Of course, there, he runs into Lucy who lays into him and calls him stupid for going near the place, threatening security and the police. I mean, I know Finn has become a psycho again and he’s about to kill a minimum of three people but Lucy doesn’t know that. And perhaps it wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t been such a cow. Not to stick up for a murderous stalker or anything.

On his way out, Finn overhears Terese and Pierce discussing the very precious honeymoon boxes, each dedicated to a couple getting married. She sends them off to her house for safe keeping. Finn tracks them down and when new couple, Hendrix and Harlow get distracted, Finn takes Mark and Lucy’s box and makes a casual bomb (as you do!) and puts it back in the box. Terese is then told that the sponsors then want the honeymoon boxes opened in front of all the guests. Meanwhile, Hendrix persuades Harlow to rebel and they sneak off to the island together.

David expresses some concerns about Finn to Karl and Susan, having spotted him storming away from Lassisters. Finn, Bea, Elly and the others head off to the island for their big party for Elly’s 35^th birthday. Finn is particularly eager to get away. Dipi fails to persuade Kyle to stay for Gary’s wedding to Prue.

Jane, Terese and Paul help Lucy get ready for her wedding and she and Mark finally do make it down the aisle despite his nerves. Twenty years after their initial romance, they say their vows and get married. Terese is surprised when they open their honeymoon box and announce that they are going to Paris. They were meant to go to Rome. They were also meant to set off a bomb! It turns out that Lucy didn’t want to send Mark to Rome and be reminded of his calling to be a Priest so she swapped their nametags!

Terese is told that the next couple to get wed have back out, opting to elope instead. When Sky Mangel reappears, Terese asks if she would move her wedding up a few days to take the couple’s place but she claims that she can’t as her partner won’t arrive in time. Jane is immediately intrigued as to who she is marrying but Sky is coy. Any Neighbours fan knows though that she is in fact marrying her teenage love interest, Lana Crawford, rectifying the storyline the show was not able to continue all those years ago. Hooray!

The couple that do take the vacant spot, however, are Mark B and Paige! Caught up in the emotion of Mark G and Lucy’s wedding, Paige proposes. Mark accepts and they put themselves up for the vacant spot at the Expo. Their box will be the bomb box! Now, I really don’t care much for Mark B but I do like Paige… I am not happy about this, especially as them getting back together at all feels very rushed and false in the first place, especially if the whole point is just to kill one of them off.

Channel 5, weekdays 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Plus Neighbours Late: Endgame 10pm, Channel 5

Doctors: Unbelievable

(Monday 2^nd – Friday 13^th March 2020)

The big story of the fortnight surrounds Karen and Rob’s foster daughter, Abz who phones Karen in a state of distress, telling her that she has been raped after a night out. The story covers three episodes, calling into question whether Abz is a reliable victim as she has a history of telling stories. It’s a genuinely harrowing tale as eventually, it transpires that her friend’s boyfriend raped her but due to a bone marrow transplant from leukaemia, his DNA didn’t initially match blood left at the scene.

It’s an uncomfortable story, constantly calling into question what happened and the officer who interviews her all but forces her to retract her statement at first. My only criticism is that it’s almost identical to the Netflix drama, Unbelievable, down to the fact that Abz is in care and even the details of the rape itself. But it’s still very well done.

Karen’s devotion to Abz is brilliant and the addition of Zara to the story is fantastic. With her own recent experience still at the forefront of her mind, she very much comes through for Abz and gets things done when she needs to. The only distraction is Zara’s car storyline which is meant to be funny but is just a bit annoying.

Still upset with Zara, Daniel lets Jimmi down by failing supportive over his news that the security guard has backed out of being a witness in the case. Subsequently, Jimmi shuts Daniel out of his support network. Al, Emma and Rob all pull together to try and find a break in Jimmi’s case. When Al treats an old employee, he mentions another ex-employee called SJ who was stashing money behind the till. Al practically stalks her, convinced that she knows something that can save Jimmi. Personally, I am starting to find this story a little bit boring now. I wish they’d just get on with it. When Emma sneaks a peek at the computer of the officer in charge of Jimmi’s case, she gets caught and lands herself in trouble. But a conversation with Zara helps her manipulate her way out of it! Well, she is a pro!

After Daniel and Joe end up being held hostage by a desperate man not allowed to see his son, Daniel and Zara finally confront their feelings for each other and get back together in secret. Well, it’s sort of a secret. They’re all over each other so much that Valerie almost hears them down the phone, they’re almost caught by Emma, prompting Zara to cover by slapping Daniel and Joe walks in on them in bed together!

After their disastrous date at The Icon, Jasmine shows up at The Mill with flowers and a better understanding of the menopause, wanting to make things work.

Sid and Valerie are forced to reach the sad conclusion that not everyone is ready for help when they fail to reach a woman trapped in an abusive relationship. Ruhma treats a very anxious mother who lost one of her twins the last time she gave birth. A vasectomy appointment leads Sid and Ayesha to look after a couple dealing with the aftermath of a terrible assault. There’s also a very strange episode about a woman who thinks she’s being stalked by Joe Pasquale. Yes, really.

Joe Pasquale makes one of the most bizarre cameos ever!

Doctors is on weekdays BBC1 at 1:45pm

Neighbours: Unlocked…

(Monday 9^th – Friday 13^th March 2020)

Well, we’re hurtling towards Neighbours’ birthday week this week with Finn getting darker and darker in his mood towards poor Bea, secretly holding her responsible for the return of his memory and bringing Trent back into his life. Subsequently, he persuades David to arrange a meeting between him and old accomplice, Harry, who reveals the truth about their old storage locker, claiming he wants to eradicate the past.

Finn finally confronts his father about the way he let him down when he needed him most, blaming him for the person he became. Anger turns to violence and Finn assaults Trent, although he stops himself from going as far as he would clearly like to. Trent runs off, warning Finn that he needs help.

While Bea frets to Elly that Finn is being off with her, Finn tells Elly that he is no longer in love with Bea and that he wants to be with her instead. Elly makes it clear that she could never betray her sister like that, although when pressed, she admits it would be different if they didn’t have so many complications in their way and she does have feelings for him. Unfortunately, that leads Finn to start seeing Bea as ‘an obstacle’.

Lucy and Mark G decide to make a go of things but this memory thing gets mentioned again so I’m pretty sure it’s a storyline, not a passing remark. Mark proposes to Lucy and pledges to move to New York to be with her. Paige and Mark B are also officially an item again and opt for the long distance romance, with Paige having to stay with her son and Mark having to stay with his mother.

Out of nowhere, Mark and Paige are back together…

Harlow is horrified to discover that Prue is lying to Gary. In a quandary over whether to tell Gary or not, Harlow turns to Finn for advice but he is useless. Her suspicions are raised when he spills a drink and immediately remembers where to go for cloths to clean up the mess. He makes up excuses but he knows she doesn’t buy it. Gary and Prue’s impending nuptials cause friction between Gary and Kyle.

When Jane cannot let the Richard Catfish situation go, Terese puts her directly in touch with Paul’s PI, prompting Paul to have to tell his friend the truth, although not before Terese reads Richard’s final letter herself and has some serious questions! Paul arranges a meeting between Jane and Mannix and Jane finally regains her dignity and puts Mannix in his place.

Neighbours is on Channel 5, 1:45pm and 5:30pm

(This week it’s also on at 10pm on Channel 5 with extra late night episodes)

Neighbours: Don’t Look Back in Anger…

(Monday 2^nd – Friday 6^th March 2020)

Everything is building towards the big birthday bash and this week begins with Finn losing his temper with Bea when she admits she suspected that Lucy had asked him to leave the party but he manages to calm down.

Chloe plans a big party on her new island for Elly’s 35^th birthday and with all their scenes together right now, #chelly fans must be going crazy! Cue: Neighbours 35^th birthday from hell! Hurrah! Bea is desperate for Finn to be able to come to the island too but he needs a guardian to come with him. When Susan tells Finn how much a part of the family he is, he gets another flashback to some kind of lockup that he doesn’t quite understand.

Mark G catches Lucy and Jane up on his brother Stephen who is still married to the legendary Phoebe Bright with whom he has five children. He gets Beth and Gaby mixed up. Now, I don’t know if this is supposed to just be a kooky part of his personality or we’re about to have some sort of medical issue… Jane notices the spark between Lucy and Mark G who is about to take the plunge and ask him out but the parallels between her life and Paige’s put her off. However, Mark G makes it clear that he wants to make a go of things. She admits that she is worried about ending up in the same position, being dumped for the church. He tells her that being a Priest was never his vocation. They end up getting it on!

Elly and Paige both separately agree to promote the Wedding Expo – in their wedding dresses. It’s quite a shock for Mark B when he bumps into them! While Mark and Paige’s loved ones are eager to push the former couple back together, Mark and Paige are hesitant to take such a risk. When Mark is called back to work sooner than expected, Aaron and David meddle again and Mark manages to stay on a few more days in order to spend more time with Paige. Seriously, guys, since when were Mark and Paige loves young dream? He always looked down on her, he was so boring and high maintenance, he arrested her on their wedding day, patronised her all the time and treated her as if she had the morals of an alley cat, which she never did. They’re not exactly Sonya and Toadie!

Anyway, Elly walks off the job in protest after Lucy kicks Finn off the premises again, making Bea feel guilty that she didn’t properly stand up for her boyfriend the previous night. Finn suggests that Bea should quit her job at The Waterhole in defence of him but Bea argues her case. Is this manipulative Patrick creeping out? Finn backs down but alone in his room, Finn makes an angry video diary. He is furious that Bea wouldn’t stand up for him and is convinced that Elly would have. However, he remains determined that he will not return to being the person he used to be.

Finn’s frustration and anger continues to bubble away inside, even when he gets the news that Toadie will come to the island as his Guardian. When Trent calls him, it triggers another fit of rage and he rants to his video diary, blaming Bea for bringing his father back into his life. The only place he finds happiness and peace is with Elly and Aster but that’s against the rules. Susan tells him off when he is unkind to Bea. Knowing she is right, Finn vows to access the storage locker and destroy what’s inside.

Paul’s PI finds Jane’s catfish but rather than contacting the police, Paul opts to handle things on his own. ‘Richard’ turns out to be an old nemesis of Paul’s, Mannix. Paul tracks him down and calls his bluff when he threatens to leak all the messages Jane has sent him. He demands the money back, making up the difference himself. Jane is thrilled but still keen to pursue the matter legally. Paul then copies messages from ‘Richard’ to write Jane a heartfelt apology in order to persuade her to let the matter lie. I just feel like this is going to seriously backfire…

It’s the one year anniversary of Sonya’s death and like me, Toadie is grieving. Nobody else seems that bothered until Roxy walks past Toadie, crying on the bench by Sonya’s mural. Oblivious. She is supposed to take a wedding dress to spend the day promoting the Expo. Of course, she grabs the one dress that has been put separately that isn’t supposed to be used: Sonya’s. And worse than that, she uses staples to alter it in length. Mark B and Dipi panic when they see her and realise what she has done but it’s already too late. Toadie spots her and loses the plot, screaming at her to take the dress of. Poor Roxy hasn’t realised what she has done.

Shane, Dipi, Mark and Kyle look after Toadie who feels terrible for the way he treated Roxy. The woman herself has rectified her alterations to the dress and tentatively approaches Toadie, promising to dry clean the dress, full of apologies. Toadie can only apologise to Roxy for the way he shouted at her. On the plus side, at least his loved ones have finally acknowledged what day it is! Susan is nominated to nudge him into joining them at a small gathering in her honour. Afterwards, Pierce temps Toadie to join them on the island trip with the promise of amazing fishing (throw back of course). He also agrees to display Sonya’s dress at the Expo.

Harlow is anxious as she comes face to face with Prue who explains that Gary happened to get in touch with her on the day she left The Order. She swears that she has returned to Erinsborough for Harlow but it soon transpires that she and Gary are engaged. While some fake congratulations better than others, Prue explains that she was the one who popped the question. I suspect she is up to no good. Harlow walks out, still hurt that Gary is Prue’s priority and also convinced that her mother will only end up letting Gary down. Meanwhile, Sheila and Kyle are very worried about Gary’s decision making. Terese tries to be supportive, prompting Lucy to have a big idea. To make the Wedding Expo stand out, she thinks they should host five weddings, all different from each other, all expenses paid. Ignoring Terese and Paul’s concerns, her first suggestion is to ask Gary and Prue to take part. They immediately accept.

Channel 5, 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Home and Away: The Siege

(Wednesday 4^th – Friday 6^th March 2020)

It’s an exciting finish to the week on Home and Away as UK viewers get to watch what in Australia was the Season Finale; a huge hospital siege which promised to say goodbye to two beloved characters. This week, we lose one of those people and it’s very sad, guys. Very sad.

So, Robbo, Scott and the Federal Police Team are at HQ working out a plan of attack. They discover that Lance was shot at close range, like to be killed by someone he trusted, suggesting that there is a dirty cop amongst them. It was a professional hit. I agree, Robbo. I agree.

Back from her trip with Alex, Willow visits Jasmine who catches her up on the rather sudden and dark turn of events. Robbo takes the evening off to spend time with Jasmine who swaps her shift to the morning. What a bad decision. However, one lovely moment does come from the evening. Jasmine and Robbo decide to have a baby together. Aww. Well, that Grace is quite the cutie.

Alex is persuaded to allow Tori home with her baby. She spots Bella hanging around the hospital but when she is called away, Bella steals some random tablets from a trolley. As for Tori, she is thrilled to be at home at last with her baby. She is thrilled to learn that Leah has moved in with them. However, she then receives the news that Leah has gone missing.

Amidst all this, we do get some good news in the form of Maggie getting the all clear from her one year cancer check-up. Yay!

So, the next morning, Scott brings Jack, an AFP Officer to guard Jasmine while she works her hospital shift, who turns out to be as much use as a chocolate teapot. Robbo and Scott stop off to visit Grace and Tori. Scott mentions that everything he is doing, he is doing for his family. My suspicions are triggered. At home, Tori frets that she cannot find Grace’s memory book. Marilyn pops over and offers to go to the hospital to find it for her.

When Mac finds Bella in an absolute state, having taken a load of pills, she rushes her to the hospital. Alex barely has time to treat the girl (who doesn’t mention the tablets) before chaos erupts.

The gunmen slip into the hospital and disarm Useless Jack. They shout for everyone to get down on the ground. Mason nearly ends up in serious trouble as he protests. He is threatened into submission. Alex, Mason, Marilyn, Jasmine and Jack are all being held hostage. When Mason again tries to be brave, Alex steps in to calm things down and save his life. A stranger called Ari, who is at the hospital after an accident at work does an excellent job of keeping our Marilyn calm during the crisis. Perhaps they will turn out to be BFF’s, if they both survive. I mean, of course Marilyn will survive. She’s Marilyn!

Bella and Mac, undetected by the gunmen, hide in a separate room. Despite everything, Mac is so lovely to Bella. She secretly calls Colby for help; he and the whole police station load up and charge towards the station. Finally he cares about his sister. Willow already tried to tell him she was genuinely unwell and he didn’t care! The girl who cried wolf, I guess…

Meanwhile, Ziggy returns home despondent and guilty. She has quit her job and immediately confesses to her guilty kiss with another guy. He isn’t happy, as you can imagine.

Back at the hospital, Jasmine frets that the gunmen are there for her but Jack is certain that they would have singled her out if that was the case. No brains or brawn. A fabulous policeman! On cue, the hospital phone rings and the gunmen order Jasmine to answer it, singling her out. Jasmine manages to give Colby some careful information before the gunmen make some ridiculous demands. Colby is certain that the siege is connected to Robbo, who is not taking his calls. He is busy interrogating Des who is cocky to say the least. Scott takes Colby’s call but declines to alert Robbo to the danger Jasmine is in.

Alex is concerned about Mac and Bella’s whereabouts. She warns Ari and Mason against any plans to escape and begs the gunmen to at least let the injured people go. While one of the gunmen drags out a frightened nurse who has been hiding and hurls her into the group of hostages, Mason and Ari attempts to formulate a plan to overcome their attackers.

Dean and Willow and various non-speaking extras show up outside the hospital as the news breaks, desperate to know what has happened to their loved ones. For someone apparently so in love, Willow doesn’t once mention Alex. She only seems concerned about Bratty Bella, who it wouldn’t be a shame to cull, quite frankly. She is very annoying.

Bella finally admits to Mac that she took some random pills. Realising that they are likely dealing with an overdose, Mac knows she has no choice but to seek medical help, despite the situation they are in. Mac leaves Bella in the side room and hands herself in to the gunmen, claiming to have been hiding in the bathroom. She alerts Alex to Bella’s condition. Bella sends Colby a frightened text message, telling him that Mac has now been captured.

Mason consistently tries to protect the hostages…

Mason attempts to stand up to the gunmen again. His bravery is getting a little irksome. Frustrated at not yet ‘hearing word’, one of the gunmen rips the phone off the wall in frustration. During the distraction, Alex attempts to sneak off to see Bella but gets caught. When Bella makes a noise in the side room, she is found and dragged out. Alex begs to be allowed to treat Bella, who lies in Mac’s arms. Despite their differences, Mac is so beautiful to Bella and takes such good care of her. I hope that whatever the consequences of this siege, it will heal their rift. You know, if neither of them die or anything.

Meanwhile, Robbo has intently interviewed both Des and Victor over Lance’s death but they don’t give anything away. It’s only when Victor makes an offhand comment about Jasmine that Scott finally tells him about events down at the hospital. He and Scott jump into the car.

Robbo attempts to get to the bottom of Lance’s murder…

Word is beginning to spread about the siege and it has made the news. John starts to worry that he cannot find Marilyn but it’s only when Roo goes to visit Tori that she puts two and two together. When she is alone with Justin, she tells him about the siege, aware that Mason is working there that day. She is horrified to realise that Marilyn was also headed to the hospital. Justin attempts to keep news of the siege from Tori.

Jasmine keeps begging Jack the actual police officer to get off his butt and do something but he insists that he is only there to protect her and nobody else. Eventually, Marilyn, Alex, Mason and Jasmine make enough of a scene that they distract the gunmen and Ari is able to lead several hostages out of the hospital.

Jasmine can’t understand why Jack won’t help…

John and Ziggy arrive outside the hospital, where Dean and Willow have already been waiting, just as a gunshot rings out. Various hostages emerge, running for their lives, Ari amongst them. Inside, Jasmine, Mac, Marilyn and Alex are all in tears. Mac clutches Bella who looks close to death. Alex holds Mason’s lifeless body in her arms. No!!! Not Mason!!! We love Mason!!!

Outside, Colby realises that Dean has disappeared. He catches him just as he is about to enter the building (great police security!) and decides to join him in trying to save their friends and family themselves. While Jasmine tries and fails to plead with the gunmen, Alex covers Mason’s body with a sheet. She sees that one of the gunmen has the familiar snake tattoo and tells Jack but he already knows. He is one of them. In the car, Robbo realises that Scott is also a dirty cop. He has been completely betrayed.

Channel 5, 1:15pm & 6pm (sneak peek, weekdays on 5STAR at 6:30pm)

These reviews are based on the 1.15pm episodes

Home and Away: Here Comes Trouble…

(Monday 2^nd – Tuesday 3^rd March 2020)

Alarmed by his postal delivery, Robbo called Scott and urgently brings Jasmine and Grace back home. Lance is missing and later turns up dead, as does Dylan Carter, murdered in his cell, all to intimidate Robbo and Jasmine out of testifying. Robbo warns his wife that they are in even more danger than before. Robbo actually cries over the death of his friend. Determined to end things once and for all, Robbo sets up a team with Scott and the Federal Police in order to hunt their enemies down.

Jasmine brings Grace to Tori on a permanent basis, explaining the full story to her, along with full time AFP protection. Tori is sad that Lance has been murdered after all the time they spent together in protective custody. Unable to settle the baby properly in the hospital, Tori is desperate to take her baby home. Jasmine misses looking after Grace full time.

Robbo updates Colby but the Senior Constable has other problems. He interviews Ryder who explains that he never made a sex tape in the first place and has no idea how one got online. Jade’s story is that they made one together and Ryder put it online without her consent. It doesn’t help that the upload came from Ryder’s phone from an account in his name. Ryder recalls that when they slept together, she sent him out to get a drink so she could have done it then. I mean… it’s the truth but it’s a little far-fetched. How long did he take to get drinks? Surely all of that must have taken a while? I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never done it but just uploading to YouTube takes an age! Plus, she had to create an account and everything. Imagine having to type and retype a password etc. All of this would have taken much longer than getting a drink from a vending machine.

Ryder and Roo can’t believe what they are seeing…!

Anyway… despite neither Colby nor Mac believing Jade’s story, the evidence is damning and Ryder both loses his job and is charged with a sexual offence. He is devastated. Poor Ryder. I mean, he’s quite annoying but he’s a nice boy. He should have stuck with Raffy. The grass isn’t always greener, is it, young man?

Ryder begs Jade for an explanation and she merely informs him that she warned him he would be sorry for getting her arrested. To make things worse, Jade gets Bella onside, playing on what happened with Tommy. Ryder insists to Bella that he is innocent but she won’t hear of it, even going so far as slapping him. On the plus side, at least he has done well in his HSC.

Bella loses it when she sees Mac and Colby talking, taking out all her anger on Mac. Unfortunately for Bella, Colby witnesses the whole thing and calls into question the legitimacy of the illness she is supposed to have.

And this leads us to the final three episodes of the week, which played out in Australia as a ‘movie length’ episode, focusing on the climax to Robbo’s story and a siege at the hospital. Hold onto your hats!

Channel 5, 1:15pm & 6pm (sneak peek, weekdays on 5STAR at 6:30pm)

Emmerdale: Freedom isn’t Always the Answer

(Monday 24^th – Friday 28^th February 2020)

Mandy begins to shut the #FreeMarlon campaign down when she realises that it won’t get Marlon anywhere. However, clever Vinnie keeps the website running in hope of donations.

Still desperate over Vanessa having abandoned her, Charity becomes concerned when she discovers all their honeymoon documents and Vanessa’s passport in the drawer. Well, you’d think that would be the first thing she would have checked before she decided that’s where Vanessa had run off to, wouldn’t you? Not two weeks later! She continues to leave desperate voicemails for the woman she loves.

Rhona turns to Kim with her theory that it was actually Pierce who murdered Graham, leading her to work out that Al lied to her about his role in Graham’s death, despite getting paid for it.

Pierce remains convinced that he will win Rhona back. Vanessa retains her resolve; I have to say, she is quite the warrior. She never once gives into Pierce; she continuously stands up to him and makes it clear just how much she hates him. Deluded, he gets ready for his ‘date’ with Rhona. In a particularly creepy scene, he also ‘prepares’ Vanessa by brushing her hair. He then sets up a video call between Vanessa and Rhona where Vanessa anxiously explains that she is with Pierce. Pierce takes over the call. Rhona is terrified. He arranges a meeting and warns her not to contact the police or tell anyone anything.

However, the next morning, having worked out that Pierce and Ollie are one and the same, Kim visits Rhona to swap information and is confused as to why she gets short shrift. At Laurel’s house, Pierce hauls Vanessa upstairs, locking her in a bedroom but still away from Johnny.

Rhona comes face to face with her worst nightmare when she arrives at Laurel’s and finds Pierce there. She is forced to hand her phone over and to allow him to search her. She does a good job of stalling. When they hear a bang upstairs, Pierce rushes upstairs to check on Vanessa. Downstairs, Kim bursts in! Rhona tries to send her away but it’s too late. Pierce knocks her out and locks her up with Vanessa. He is out of his mind with fury and panic; Kim getting hurt has ruined all his plans.

While Pierce is distracted with Kim, Rhona manages to get hold of a mobile phone and live streams to Vinny’s website. She gets Pierce talking and he is only too happy to confess to Graham’s murder and Vanessa’s abduction just to list a couple of his crimes. In the pub, everyone is shocked to realise that Pierce and Rhona are streaming from Laurel’s house and quickly call the police. Armed police descend upon the village, although they don’t actually do anything to rescue anyone, as like most emergency services in soap, they’re pretty much useless.

Unfortunately, Rhona has too much faith in them and reveals her plan too early, expecting the police to burst in and save her. They don’t. He finds the whole thing amusing and breaks the link to the outside world. Thankfully, Rhona is a woman perfectly capable of saving herself and has an injection hidden up her sleeve, stabbing him and all but knocking him out. She rescues Kim and Vanessa. The police finally bother to turn up and arrest him.

Vanessa gets yet more bad news about her cancer…

Charity is overwrought with guilt over not realising that Vanessa was in danger. Vanessa sends her away from her hospital room, not wanting her to find out about the cancer. Encouraged by Manpreet, Vanessa finally tells Charity about the cancer. Unfortunately, Charity panics and pulls away from Vanessa, unsure as to how to cope with this devastating blow. Vanessa ends up going to her next appointment alone while oblivious Charity barely holds things together at the pub. Vanessa is told that the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes and is now stage three. She will need surgery and chemotherapy but the Doctor is confident that she will be able to beat it. She returns home and breaks the news to Charity but refuses comfort.

Pierce attempts to lie his way through his police interview, convinced that because once upon a time he was friendly with the officers, he will sail through. However, with all the evidence stacked up against him, that is definitely not the case.

Marlon is emotional when he is told he will now be released. April shows huge maturity as she offers love and support to Rhona over Graham’s death. Gosh that little girl is a good little actress.

Marlon arrives back in the village to an eager reporter. He is furious to learn that it has been set up by Mandy. April is upset when Marlon loses it with Mandy, who to be fair, has done everything she possibly could to support Marlon during his incarceration. I find Mandy incredibly annoying and her return to Emmerdale has been fundamentally disappointing. However, in this instance, shame on you, Marlon. She has only tried to do right by you.

Kim fires Al who fires back with a warning that he could easily tell Jamie that although he didn’t actually kill Graham himself, Kim still ordered a hit on him. Jamie alerts Rhona to the fact that Graham’s body has been released, prompting her to fall out with Kim all over again over the arrangements for the funeral.

Laurel, Doug and the kids return home from Australia, utterly stunned over what has happened in their house. Jai offers his full support to Laurel and they get back together, which will of course only end in tears as he still doesn’t know the truth about Archie and Arthur. Doug then throws a spanner in the works when he announces that he is moving permanently to Australia. Arthur is distraught. Brenda isn’t bothered. Well, he is a bit whingy. Laurel admits the truth about Arthur to Doug. At first, he decides not to move away but Laurel doesn’t want him to suspend his dream so off he goes.

Cain continued to visit Nate, despite Cara’s protestations and her certainty that he was the person who put him in hospital in the first place. Well, she is correct. Miraculously, Nate is out of hospital within days and back on his feet as if nothing happened. Cain overhears Moira standing up for him with Cara.

Emmerdale is on at 7pm Monday to Friday with a second episode at 8pm on Thursdays

Hollyoaks: Guilty

(Monday 24^th – Friday 28^th February 2020)

It’s the day of Jesse’s funeral. Grace warns James to keep himself under control and Mercedes warns him not to hurt John Paul. Courtney breaks down at the funeral, prompting James to step up, insisting that it wasn’t her fault. Grace drags him out and they make up an excuse for his behaviour, explaining that he was desperate for her not to feel guilty the way he did over Harry.

James, Grace and Liam all receive notes claiming that the sender knows who shot Mercedes. They all end up accusing each other of being responsible. James and Grace attempt to subtly check out with their respective partners that they definitely don’t know anything, prompting an accidental engagement between Grace and Sylver, which Grace is quick to rub in Mercedes’ face. John Paul is livid.

Stressed out James continues to push John Paul away. Marnie is alarmed to find the incriminating note, working out that it was him who shot Mercedes. As it turns out, James has been sending the notes, including to himself, in his sleep. Well, I’ll admit that my money was on Liam and his creepy dartboard! James has been taking sleeping pills and he can’t remember a thing but he recognises the printing from his computer.

While James and John Paul agree to go out on a date, his secret note-writing habit strikes again but this time, Mercedes receives a message telling her that her shooter was at Jesse’s funeral. She concludes that it must have been Grace. Determined to find out the truth, Warren listens in on a debate between Grace and Liam who are sure that Mercedes is their secret pen pal. He concludes that Liam shot Mercedes.

Liam trashes The Dog in a bid to gives Mercedes a warning, which turns out to be a mistakes. Well, she’s sleeping with Warren now, someone that Liam has seriously underestimated. Warren takes a large gang of thugs to The Loft but it only really takes Warren himself to leave Liam begging and pleading for his life.

Nancy arranges for PC Kiss to sweep the school for drugs and weapons, wanting to ensure that the place is safe. This causes quite the panic for Sid who is holding drugs in his locker for Jordan. Juliet takes the drugs from him but things get worse for them when she opts to flush them instead, leaving her in debt to Jordan to the tune of £500.

Toby nearly catches Celeste and Romeo at it again. When Romeo is assaulted, Romeo is certain that Toby is responsible, convinced that he knows the truth about him and Celeste. However, Toby has an alibi and doesn’t know anything about it. The truth is, Jordan attacked Romeo (although he denies it to Juliet when she accuses him), having already threatened her and her family. It’s enough to make her agree to sell drugs for him in order to pay back the ones she flushed.

Tony is feeling positive about life as he continues his therapy sessions, exercises in tiny shorts and works hard on his relationship with Diane. However, Edward continues to try and derail things as much as possible. He also slags off Dolly Parton, which is quite frankly, unforgiveable. Tony and Mercedes share a sweet moment where he thanks her for saving his life.

Edward’s jealousy rages as he continues to try and throw a spanner in the works as Tony and Diane go on a date. When Tony shows him a necklace he has bought for Diane, he all but forces Diane to wear a much more expensive necklace he previously bought her when they were dating. Too late to take it off before they go out, Diane hides the necklace under a scarf and then panics and rushes out when Tony presents his own gift and wants her to wear it. Tony is flummoxed over Diane’s other necklace, not believing her when she claims it’s old and cheap. Edward is eager to plant concerns in Tony’s mind that Diane was seeing someone else while he was being held captive by Breda. When she also dumps an expensive handbag, Edward continues to persuade Tony of Diane’s affair.

Things are just not the same between Diane and Tony…

Guilty Diane confides in Leela who reminds her that Tony gave her every reason to believe that he had walked out on her and gone off with another woman, including his past behaviour. She advises her against telling him the truth about Edward, to fight for her marriage and to stop feeling guilty. Tony, meanwhile, decides to push his doubts aside and focus on the woman he loves. Unhappy, Edward continues to cast doubt in his mind until Tony can’t cope anymore. Finally, he asks Diane directly: did she sleep with another man while he was gone? She tearfully admits that she did.

Darren’s loved ones continue to miss his depression. Imran is worried about Ollie after his big night out. Leah gets a 13^th birthday card from Ste (who is due back in June – yay!)

Channel 4 at 6:30pm or a sneak peek 7pm on E4

These reviews are based on the E4 episodes

Coronation Street: Goodbye Charlotte Bronte

(Monday 24^th – Friday 28^th February 2020)

Tracy is livid to learn that Ken really is putting his house on the market and immediately competes with Peter to buy it. Carla doesn’t want to buy the house anyway and at first, Peter accepts it but a row with Tracy spurs him on to fight for it. They agree to a silent bid but when Tracy catches sight of Carla’s bid, she is able to sneakily bid £5,000 higher – without Steve’s prior knowledge.

Paula does her best to reassure Kevin and Abi but they hit a snag when Ray reveals video evidence from a dash cam of her actually torching the car. He requests that Abi sleeps with him in exchange for his silence. Aware that Kevin is in serious trouble otherwise, Abi agrees.

Abi is prepared to sacrifice herself for Kevin…

Disgusted with herself for what she has to do, Abi turns up at a hotel and gets changed into the clothes he has provided, unaware that he has photographed her in the process. When it comes down to it, Ray rejects her rather unkindly, telling her that he doesn’t want her, he just wanted to know how far she would go. He then turns to Kevin, demanding his business in exchange for dropping the charges. Kevin and Tyrone reluctantly hand it over.

Just as he leaves, Ray drops the bombshell about his encounter with Abi, who brokenly attempts to explain. Frustratingly, she was going to tell him the truth anyway but thanks to Ray, it is now too late. Any hope that Kevin, who was so kind to Anna when she was forced into the same situation with Pat Phelan, would understand, are immediately dashed. Kevin rejects Abi until Sally quickly puts him in his place. Kevin admits to Abi that he loves her and they get back together.

Bethany is in turmoil when she doesn’t get onto the writing course but is offered an internship with a magazine in London. While Sarah is thrilled for her, Bethany is reluctant to leave Daniel behind. She really needs to let him go. He’s not over Sinead. I mean, how could he be? She’s only been gone a few months. He’s using Bethany (and a lot of alcohol) to numb his pain. Bethany needs to take that job and move away and start a new life away from all the terrible things that have happened to her in recent years.

When Adam lets slip to Daniel about the job, Daniel sets his heart on moving to London with Bethany instead. Beth interrupts Sarah’s hen night to shout at Bethany about the plan, which leads Sarah to interrupt the stag night to lay into Daniel for ruining Bethany’s life and also argue with Adam for supporting the idea. Well that doesn’t bode well for a happy marriage!

Cathy takes Gemma to mother and baby class where she is thrilled to make friends with some other Mums. They invite her to a baby yoga class, which she thinks goes well, not realising that a couple of the other women are talking about her behind her back.

Alya starts working at Speed Daal again, which immediately puts Geoff out. When she notices that Yasmeen has a bad back from cleaning, Geoff is forced to show compassion and send her home, leaving Geoff and Alya to snipe at each other all day. Geoff also lies twice about bad reviews about Alya, which he presumably writes himself.

At home, Yasmeen is worried about her favourite chicken, Charlotte Bronte who is not eating properly or laying eggs. Geoff insists that Yasmeen stays at home for another day, leaving him to continue sparring with Alya at work. When Geoff arrives home, he is furious to find that Yasmeen has been too caught up with Charlotte to have cleaned the house properly or cooked dinner and when she does prepare their meal, it’s not good enough as she couldn’t afford to buy any meat on the meagre money he provided her with. He angrily throws the food in the bin and orders her upstairs.

Then comes the moment we all dreaded but knew would inevitably come. He joked about it months ago, remember? The evil bastard kills Yasmeen’s beloved chicken, Charlotte Bronte. Then he serves her up on a plate and lets Yasmeen start eating her before telling her the truth. Yasmeen is sickened, not to mention heartbroken. It’s an absolutely sickening moment, the worst so far in this storyline. I’ve read a lot of objections to this storyline, a lot of complaints and a lot of people saying that they are turning off. We must not switch off. We must face up to the truth of coercive control and domestic abuse. We must be able to recognise it. We must be educated. We must not turn our faces away because it’s upsetting and uncomfortable. It’s not supposed to be comfortable. That’s the point.

Yasmeen breaks down furiously at Geoff who remains unrepentant. He has the audacity to blame her for making a mess of dinner the first time around. He cruelly tells her how hard it was for him, mentioning that Charlotte put up a fight. It’s a truly awful series of scenes. While he storms out, Yasmeen sobs in the garden, only for Gail to find her from the other side of the fence. Yasmeen hurries off, denying that there is anything wrong but hopefully, this might be a turning point as Gail is concerned enough to mention Yasmeen’s distress to Alya. But perhaps Charlotte has not died in vain if it means that Yasmeen will find the courage to escape from him. Also, Cathy, Gail, Eileen and Alya are all concerned about her now. Let’s hope Geoff’s days of abuse are numbered now.

Coronation Street airs on ITV on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:30/8:30pm