Home and Away: Time of Death, 12:54

(Monday 9^th – Wednesday 11^th March 2020)

In what was a three episode long Season Premier over in Australia, the hospital siege rages on while relatives fret about their loved ones outside. Alex, Mac, Marilyn and Jasmine desperately try to keep Bella alive although it’s not looking good. Mason’s lifeless body is taken away. Jay (who I think I was calling Jack in my previous review – sorry) agrees to let Alex get the medication she needs. As she does so, she realises that Dean and Colby have found their way into the lift shaft (it’s very ‘beginning of Speed’). She tells them about Mason and that the AFP officer is a dirty cop, dropping all the meds she needs and picking them up slowly in order to buy her some time to talk.

The gunmen hear Dean’s phone ringing and despite Mac attempting a distraction, they break into the lift but the boys manage to hide in time. Ziggy leaves a worried voicemail for Dean, who tricks his way into the building, disarming a gunman acting as a lookout on the way. He speaks to Mac when she goes to fetch blankets and gives her instructions before Colby and the police storm the building and take the gunmen down.

Meanwhile, Robbo is reeling from Scott’s betrayal, especially that he murdered Lance. He talks him down from shooting him off a cliff in the woods and the pair of them head back to the car where Scott breaks down, convinced there is no safe way out for him and his family now. Unable to get through to him anymore, the two men fight for control of the wheel and end up in a huge car crash (which Channel 5 in the UK accidentally cut out of the episode but showed in the recap the next day and on My5).

Scott and Robbo’s car spins out of control…

Back at the hospital, the gunmen are all reunited while Jay protests his innocence. He is told that the prison will be very much be made aware that he is a cop! Marilyn and John are reunited as she breaks the news of Mason’s death. Willow suddenly remembers to be concerned about Alex (although I like to think she was just keeping it all inside).

While Alex urgently treats Bella for her overdose, she and Mac explain to Colby what has happened. In rare moments alone, it’s very clear that the siege has seriously affected Doctor Nielson and she is struggling to cope. Willow throws herself into her girlfriend’s arms and vows to stay at the hospital all night, never wanting to let her out of her sight again. Aww. Maybe she was worried!

While Bella tries to explain herself to Colby, Jasmine can’t work out where Robbo has got to. Her questions are soon answered when he is rushed into the ED, despite it being technically closed. It turns out that Scott died at the scene and even after surgery, Robbo is in critical condition. Alex genuinely has no idea how he is still alive.

Justin and Tori are broken hearted when the police knock on the door and break the news that Mason has died. They decide to go and tell their siblings what has happened in person but then rush to the hospital with Grace when they hear the news about Robbo. He tells them not to halt their plans and says goodbye to his baby girl.

Robbo reassures Jasmine and sends her home to get some things for him. The last thing they say is that they love each other. When she is gone, he breaks down in tears. He knows that he is dying. He urgently tells Colby that Victor was behind the whole thing and that Scott betrayed him and killed Lance. He tells him that everyone will be safe now but doesn’t want Jasmine to know what Scott did because she trusted him. He begs Colby to promise to look after Jasmine. Then he dies. Alex desperately tries to save his life but it’s just too late.

Colby meets Jasmine as she returns to the hospital but she cannot accept that Robbo is dead. She breaks down in his hospital room, screaming and shouting at him and everyone else, desperate for him to wake up. Now, I’m not a Robbo fan but I confess, I found this scene quite emotional. Well done to Sam Frost (Jasmine). You moved me. Colby persuades Jasmine to go home with him where he, Willow and Irene flock round to look after her.

John looks after fragile Marilyn. She feels guilty for never having retrieved the memory book for Tori. If one good thing has come out of the siege, Bella and Mac have finally bonded; Bella is grateful to Mac for saving her life. I think it’s the first time this kid has been grateful for anything! Ziggy attempts to reconcile with Dean but he struggles to forgive her for kissing another man and giving up on their relationship.

Willow is worried about and a little frustrated with Alex who won’t even stop for so much as a cup of coffee and keeps throwing herself into work. Alex insists that it’s just the way she copes with stress. They confess that all they could think about during the siege was each other; Alex says that Willow kept her strong after Mason died. Shout out to Irene in the background of this scene looking absolutely overjoyed at how adorable they are with each other. She is the epitome of every #willex fan out there! Too cute. Another shout out to Lynne McGranger who plays Irene and has been very vocal about supporting LGBTQ visibility on television and particularly on the network Home and Away is shown on in Australia (Channel 7).

Alex visits Jasmine to offer her support both as a friend, colleague and medical professional. Jasmine reveals that she and Robbo had been planning to start a family. Colby supports Jasmine as she struggles to break the news to Tori and to Robbo’s parents that he has died.

Alex finally allows herself to break down on Willow, admitting how frightened she was during the siege and how much she is struggling to cope at the hospital after Mason and Robbo’s deaths.

Alf and Martha return home from their trip and discover the horror that has occurred in the Bay in their absence. As they arrive, John takes Marilyn away to see Jett in the city. Alf recalls the first time he ever met Robbo, who had amnesia, and brought him to live in the Bay. While Jasmine and Colby look on, he gets the residents together (including Roo, Ben, Maggie, Irene, Willow and Alex) to pay their respects to the two men they have loved and lost. Goodbye Mason. Goodbye Robbo.

During the vigil, Alf proposes to Martha. She freaks out and storms off!

Channel 5, 1:15pm & 6pm (sneak peek, weekdays on 5STAR at 6:30pm)

Neighbours: At Last!

(Thursday 19^th March 2020)

In my favourite episode of the week so far, Des is rushed off to hospital, escorted by Paul, Terese and guilty Jane. Jane is still feeling angry with Paul and Terese makes things even worse by admitting that she too read her emails and it does not matter a jot that they were only trying to help.

Jane and Des finally talk and realise that the last time they were together, they both had feelings for each other but she had to leave suddenly to look after her Nan, Mrs Mangel. She feels she cannot take the risk to be with him because of her terrible decision making re: Richard the Catfish. She doesn’t want to get her heart broken all over again. However, good old Dipi gives her food for thought when she suggests that everything may have happened for a reason – to bring Jane and Des together. Jane changes her mind at last, prompting her and Paul to have to chase Des on his way to the airport. Jane and Des decide to make a go of things. Hurrah!

Meanwhile, Sky and Lana’s wedding venue has effectively been ruined. Just at that moment, Dylan shows up, surprised to find Erinsborough full of wedding fever. Evidently, Sky always told him that she never wanted to get married. As she delicately tries to explain, he gets the wrong end of the stick and thinks that she has finally changed her mind about their relationship, something he has been hoping for during their entire separation and now wants to marry him. He is crushed when he realises that she is actually preparing to marry Lana.

When Terese asks to push Sky and Lana’s wedding back a day in order to fix the venue, Sky suggests halting the wedding completely. She wants things to be perfect and all the while Dylan objects, it won’t be. I think Lana is pretty patient about the situation, to be honest. But then, she’s loved this woman for how long? Sixteen years? However, it’s Paul Robinson, of all people, who sorts the situation out and gives him and pep talk, helping him reconcile the situation in his mind. He tells him that Sky has cancelled the wedding because he is so upset.

Dylan puts a brave face on and gives Sky his blessing. The wedding is back on! It’s relocated to the tram café and with Susan now busy, Jack officiates, which is a particularly beautiful touch – a Catholic Priest officiating a lesbian wedding. It’s a beautiful ceremony that long term LGBTQ Neighbours fans who all those years ago could only ever have dreamt of seeing Sky and Lana end up together, finally get to see them united. And I hold my hands up, I am one of those fans. I loved this episode. I don’t even have anything sarcastic to say. It was just brilliant and I am so happy that Stephanie McIntosh and Bridget Neval (who I gather doesn’t even act anymore but loved the character and the story so much that she couldn’t say no), agreed to return for this.

The women look beautiful as they walk down the aisle together. Dylan even comes to the wedding to support them, as do the locals, including some of Sky’s loved ones. Lana’s vows are particularly beautiful as she tells Sky, “You were my first kiss; I’m so happy you’ll be my last.”

Sky and Lana get their happy ever after…

At the reception, Jack empathises with Dylan, having been through something similar recently with Mark and Paige. He tells him that Sky will always remember the support he gave her on her wedding day. Jane, Des and Paul finally show up to the wedding, having missed the ceremony and Jane accidentally thinks Des is proposing to her and accepts so he proposes to her for real! Cue the next wedding, guys!

Channel 5, weekdays 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Plus Neighbours Late: Endgame 10pm, Channel 5

Emmerdale: Ruthless!

(Monday 2^nd – Friday 13^th March 2020)

Marlon is distraught to discover that while he has been in prison, April has been bullied by a girl in her class. Thankfully, with Vinnie’s encouragement, April stands up to her, in front of Marlon. She is very brave.

Rhona tells Marlon the truth about the money. He is understandably livid and gunning for Charity. He summons his friends and family to the pub in order to confront her. Everyone is ashamed of her, although she fails to just apologise and attempts to defend her defenceless actions. Ryan is regretful and does point out that he did do the right thing and handed the money over to Rhona and told the truth. Marlon is also angry with Mandy about the journalist that greeted him on the day he came home. Charity tries to implicate Rhona but Marlon argues that although she didn’t rat on Charity and Ryan, she went to the police immediately. It soon transpires that Cain also knew about the money.

With Pierce having pleaded guilty to murder off screen, Rhona is able to focus on Graham’s funeral. However, Kim sneaks off and cremates Graham in a private service, attended only by herself. Rhona is understandably furious. When Andrea confronts Kim over what she has done, emotional Kim says too much, leading Andrea to believe that Kim may have ordered Pierce to murder Graham. Jamie confronts his mother about it and she admits that she considered asking someone to kill Graham. He concludes that she went through with it, only Pierce got there first. She makes excuses and Jamie has a surprising level of understanding considering he’s supposed to be such a nice man. Andrea is horrified and demands sole custody of her daughter or she will tell the police everything she knows.

Kim excludes everyone from Graham’s funeral…

While Al is furious with Kim for what he has done, Kim remains calm and confident. Then she threatens Andrea. However, things backfire when Andrea tells Rhona and Rhona tells Marlon. Soon the police are knocking on the door of Home Farm and Kim is arrested for conspiracy to murder. They question her about the £60,000. At the police station, she denies everything. Eventually, she admits she gave the money to Al, who is then also arrested for conspiracy. They are both released, at least for now.

Jamie accuses Andrea of turning Kim into the police, which she denies, revealing that Kim threatened her life. Rhona reveals to Andrea that she told Marlon what happened. While Andrea panics, Rhona is confident that Kim will be going away for a long time. Marlon announces to the pub what Kim has done but that Pierce got their first. He also quits his job.

Having learned of his Dad’s debts, Ellis confronts Al who attempts to explain. When Marlon discovers Al’s involvement, he bursts in and punches him. When Ellis fails to shop Al to the police, Marlon throws him out of his house. He has chosen his side. I think I quite like Ruthless Marlon.

Charity has bigger problems, however, as she continues to struggle with Vanessa’s cancer diagnosis. Tracy ignores Vanessa’s request for a low key birthday and goes behind her back to arrange a party, thinking that Charity has been neglectful. Charity drags Tracy outside and breaks Vanessa’s confidence, revealing the truth about her diagnosis. Tracy is devastated and Vanessa is eventually grateful that Charity did what she couldn’t. Charity and Tracy argue over the best way to support Vanessa but eventually pull together as a team as Vanessa begins to break the news to her loved ones, including Noah and Sarah. Sarah, who has been through cancer herself, is particularly amazing.

Charity does her best to support Vanessa…

Wendy babysits while Victoria and Luke have their first proper date. Unfortunately, things go wrong when they attempt to become intimate. Victoria has a flashback of Lee and panics, throwing Luke out. Luke is broken hearted over the deep pain that his brother is still inflicting on Victoria. He is genuinely a good person. The next day, while Victoria concludes they can only be friends, Luke is happy to pursue a relationship with no pressure for things to become physical between them.

Victoria and Luke try to find a way forward…

Jai wants himself, Laurel and the kids to all move in together but Laurel turns him down, having not told him about Arthur’s violence against Archie. When the boys are left alone together, Archie ends up injured, leading Laurel to burst out the truth, shocking Jai. Arthur insists that Archie had been playing with the gift that Betty sent through the post that had belonged to Sandy. He had let him play with it and then put it on a shelf. Archie climbed onto the shelf and fell. Knowing his past behaviour, Laurel doesn’t believe him and tells him that Ashley would be ashamed. Losing his temper, Arthur wishes his mother dead. Bit harsh. But while Jai persuades Laurel to put Arthur into counselling if their relationship is going to work, Laurel cannot convince her son to tell ‘the truth’. He is clearly telling the truth. Archie appears to have turned the tables on him after being his victim for so long. He makes fun of Arthur having to see a counsellor and suggests that if he were to tell them that he is still being bullied, Arthur might get sent away.

Archie now has the upper hand with Arthur…

Harriet pushes Will towards counselling but his biggest concern is jealousy over her friendship with Cain. He tries and fails to warn Cain away from Harriet. I mean, I know he’s been to prison and everything but does he really think he’s a match for Cain Dingle? Come on!

Dawn is thrilled to get the news that within the next month, she will be granted full custody of Lucas. Harriet is furious with Will when he doesn’t show the correct enthusiasm for the news his daughter has been waiting for all this time. He is still angry about Harriet’s friendship with Cain. Selfish. However, he does go to his counselling appointment.

Cain and Moira are visited by their normal friendly policeman and a new officer, DI Malone, with the news that the gun that shot Nate is related to a gang related incident where three people were killed. When they leave, Moira tells Cain that she buried the gun in the top field. They plot to get rid of it for good. Cain then tackles Harriet about the history of the gun and exactly what Will has got himself involved in. She confronts Will but Cain and Moira storm in, wanting the information first hand. He admits that he was given the gun to hide.

DI Malone leads a team down to the scrapyard to find the gun but it’s already too late, Cain has sent it off in a car to be crushed. DI Malone turns out to be an ex-colleague of Harriet’s but judging by the terror on Will’s face, he is much more than that! As soon as he is alone with Will, he demands to know where his gun is! He threatens him and his family. Will insists that Cain was the one who shot Nate and he has destroyed the gun now.

Will and Cain then get dragged in deeper and deeper with DI Malone. Cain ends up running drugs for him. Moira’s bull gets murdered but thankfully it’s head isn’t put in anyone’s bed or anything. There’s a scene in some dark room with three spotlights in it where DI Malone turns into The Godfather, parading around in front of Cain and informing him that he has everyone, from lowly coppers to high class judges under his control. I’m sure other things happened but the plot is so boring that I stopped following it ages ago. Sorry, not sorry.

With his upcoming wedding to Lydia in mind, Sam decides to give Samson his wedding ring from his marriage to Alice, which he has worn every day since. Within moments, Samson pawns the ring. Charming!

Emmerdale is on at 7pm Monday to Friday with a second episode at 8pm on Thursdays

Neighbours: Boom!

(Wednesday 18^th March 2020)

Finn hurriedly cancels Toadie’s boat and contacts Shane from his phone to say that he will be staying on The Island for a new more days. He then spends the rest of the episode ignoring calls on Toadies’ phone. He reassures Harry that the strangers on The Island are kids that he knows. He is confident that they aren’t a problem. He checks on Bea, who pays dead.

The kids have a misunderstanding about getting physical. Upset, Harlow storms off and gets lost in the forest, stumbling across Bea in the mine. Before Bea can stop her, she climbs down the broken ladder and falls into the mine herself; now they are both stuck. She gives Bea some water as Bea explains that Finn pushed her in and tried to kill her; he wants to be with Elly and told her that she is in the way. Obviously, there is no phone reception in the mine and the only way out is up – but they can’t reach. Poor Bea is certain that Elly knows nothing of Finn’s intentions towards her.

Back at the camp, celebrations are getting underway for Elly’s birthday but she walks out of her own party, overwhelmed with guilt at Bea leaving The Island. Susan hasn’t been able to get hold of her, making Elly feel certain that Bea knows the truth about her and Finn. She decides that she needs to go and find Bea herself. Finn decides they should leave The Island together. Everything is working out as he had hoped. All he can think about is kissing her.

Elly confesses her guilt to Chloe, who has missed her brother’s wedding to throw this party for her. She tells her that she and Finn are going to find Bea but Chloe points out that if Bea does know the truth, the pair of them showing up will only make it worse. Good point! The girls hatch a plan to leave The Island together instead, which now makes me worry for Chloe’s safety. What if Finn thinks she is in the way now? Chloe is the best! She can’t die! But this is a show that killed Sonya Rebecchi. They could murder anyone at this point.

Roxy and Kyle continue to deny their attraction but it’s not long before they fall into bed. When they emerge from their tent, they get a shock to find that Gary has arrived on The Island. He is desperate to make up with Kyle and informs everyone that the wedding is off. He also lets the group know that the winds have risen and nobody will be getting on or off The Island today. Later, we witness a moment of very strange, intense eye contact between Gary and Finn. Will Gary rumble Finn? Will he become Finn’s next victim? I’ve had a theory for a while that Gary may sacrifice himself for Kyle or maybe even vice versa. We’ll see.

Meanwhile, Prue is tearing across the country in her car towards The Island, desperately trying to track Gary down. She leaves him tearful messages, telling him how much she loves him and wants to make their marriage work, that she doesn’t want to be in The Order anymore. She gets lost and overwhelmed and leaves a message for Harlow, telling her how much she loves her and how much she wants her to be happy. Then she decides she needs a drink, opening the honeymoon box she grabbed on her way out, thinking there will be champagne in there and… boom! The box intended for Lucy, which passed to Paige was eventually passed to Prue. I mean, it’s quite fitting that nobody wanted to go to Rome at this point but still… The whole car explodes. Prue is dead. The killed Denise Van Outen! How very dare they?!

Channel 5, weekdays 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Plus Neighbours Late: Endgame 10pm, Channel 5

Neighbours: I Love You More

(Wednesday 18^th March 2020)

The 35^th Anniversary episode begins with the original theme tune playing as none other than Des Clarke steps out of a taxi. He looks around as Shane and Dipi frolic in a sprinkler, another throwback to the olden day credits. A voice over, which blends into Susan and Karl reading through her wedding speech for Mark and Paige, throws out so many of the old lyrics we know and love. And I’m sure there are loads of ‘Easter Eggs’ I will have missed throughout the episode but I’ll mention the ones that I spotted.

Des visits Paul who is thrilled to see him and explains the story of the Catfish and that Jane is still in love with him. Des is sceptical. Jane broke his heart and dumped him on the telephone. The last time they saw each other, he was in a bad place and starting to fall for her again and she just vanished without explanation. He isn’t sure that Paul is correct. However, persuasive Paul convinces him to attend Paige and Mark’s wedding to at least create the opportunity to meet up with Jane again and see what happens.

Jack brings Gabe to Erinsborough for the ceremony. My favourite moment of the whole episode comes from the bridal party trying to decide on a wedding song. Ned (son of Beth, played by the legendary Natalie Imbruglia) suggests, ‘Torn’, which Yashvi has never even heard of. Young people!!!

“My Mum used to sing it all the time,” he says.

Mark and Aaron both wear kilts to the wedding (and Aaron has stolen Mark’s underwear!) as the wedding must be in theme with the wedding they’ve replaced (Tom and Ian – a holler to Tom Oliver and Ian Smith who of course, played Lou Carpenter and Harold Bishop). Gabe walks Paige down the aisle and Aaron films everything for Chloe. Paige and Mark are shocked when the wedding goes smoothly. They are just a normal, happy couple, celebrating their wedding day. One particularly cute moment during the ceremony comes from Aaron and David, mouthing to each other:

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

It melts the hearts of #daaron fans everywhere, including mine.

Afterwards, Paige, Mark and Gabe gather to open their honeymoon box and Terese can only tut when she realises that Paige has swapped the box so that they are going to Palawan instead of Rome. So… who has got the bomb now?

Jane is pleased to see Des again but becomes embarrassed and angry when she realised that his appearance is due to Paul’s meddling and that Paul has read her private emails to Richard. When she tries to walk away from the two men, her heel gets caught and she pulls down a canopy, which topples down on Des, knocking him to the ground!

While Susan is worried about not being able to get in touch with Bea, Shane reports that Toadie has decided to stay on The Island for longer. Susan and Karl inform David of ‘events on The Island’, presumably of Bea and Finn’s breakup.

Jane lets slip that Sky is in Erinsborough for her own wedding, just as her fiancée, Lana Crawford arrives and introduces herself to Shane and Dipi. They explain that as teenagers, Lana had been desperately in love with Sky but Sky hadn’t understood her own feelings. They bumped into each other again and it now feels like they have come full circle. Having been dating six months, they want to get married. The only problem is that Sky’s ex, Dylan has always hoped that he and Sky would get back together. Sky had hoped that Toadie would be able to support Dylan when she broke the news but now, he is on holiday. (Actually, he is potentially dead or dying).

Kind Shane (who has been playing classic cricket on the Street with his family) offers to take on Toadie’s role in supporting Dylan if it means that Sky and Lana can go ahead with their wedding plans and they gratefully accept, phoning Dylan who immediately books a flight to Erinsborough. The girls worry that Dylan has got the wrong end of the stick and thinks that Sky wants to give things another go. Surely nothing is going to get in the way of the love story that the LGBT youth (now LGBT adults!) were denied so many years ago?

Channel 5, weekdays 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Plus Neighbours Late: Endgame 10pm, Channel 5

Coronation Street: Standing in the Way of Control

(Monday 2^nd – Friday 13^th March 2020)

Geoff continues his campaign of cruelty, this fortnight, this time working on driving Yasmeen and Alya apart. However, Alya spots a spelling mistake in the constant, targeted reviews and realises that it’s not Ray behind them but Geoff himself. While Yasmeen defends her husband, Alya also discovers that money has been withdrawn from the business account. At first, Geoff pushes the idea of buying Alya out but when she won’t budge, he decides that he and Yasmeen should pack up their lives and move to Cyprus. He is furious when his wife is not keen on the idea.

Meanwhile, Eileen mentions in passing that she has noticed a real change in Yasmeen. She also tells her about the night Gail saw her crying in the garden and that Geoff left her locked in a box for hours. Armed with this knowledge, Alya challenges her grandmother about what is really going on. Although Yasmeen denies is, insisting that Geoff loves her, Alya realises that she is scared of Geoff. She leaves, not wanting her to get into trouble with him if he finds her at the house but finally, someone understands that she is being abused. Finally, Yasmeen will hopefully get the help she needs!

Having accidentally lost all of Sinead’s belongings, on Sarah and Adam’s wedding day, Daniel completely falls apart during his speech, overwhelmed with how much he loves and misses Sinead. The penny finally drops for poor Bethany, who realises that they should not be moving to London together. The next day, he drunkenly decides to prove his love by proposing, with Sinead’s newly returned wedding ring! It’s all Bethany needs to end things between them and head off to London alone. Worried about Daniel’s state of mind, his family send him off to a retreat with Bertie, escorted by Beth of all people, presumably to give actress, Lisa George some time off to do marvellously well in Dancing on Ice. Hopefully Daniel will return without his beard or at least with a tidier one. He is currently reminding me of Ian Beale when he had his homeless storyline.

With wedding bells ringing in the air, Maria suggests that she and Gary get married sooner rather than later. However, Gary gets wind of her one night stand with Ali and it’s not something he can let pass. After threatening Ryan, he bumps into his old ‘colleague’ Sharon and trades in his client list in order to ‘sort’ things with Ali.

The next thing we know, Ali collapses with an overdose of diazepam and is rushed to hospital. When he wakes up, he swears he didn’t relapse but nobody believes him. He practically abducts Maria in order to convince her but only succeeds in pushing her further away. Gary basically admits it to him, provoking him into attacking him and then getting him arrested. He also loses Toyah’s friendship, as his ‘relapse’ leads her to have to admit she knew he was a recovering addict and still a practicing GP and therefore, she loses her job. Eventually, Ali decides to leave the Street and thankfully, the first thing actor, James Burrows did was get a haircut!

Guilty Maria confesses to her one night stand with Ali to Gary but is relieved and surprised when Gary chooses to continue their relationship.

Jade gets the wrong idea when Tyrone buys her a thoughtful birthday present on Hope’s behalf. Getting him alone, she kisses him, convinced that there is a romantic spark between them. Of course, he rebuffs her but she immediately informs Fiz that she and Tyrone have feelings for each other. Thankfully, the move turns out to be her downfall as when Hope overhears that Jade has tried to split her parents up, she is horrified and rejects her sister, even telling her that she loves her parents more than her. Well, goodbye, Jade! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

Aggie returns to nursing in the same week as she receives her Golden Heart of Wetherfield Award, which she is convinced she doesn’t deserve. At the ceremony, James is cornered by a journalist about his sexuality, after Danny accidentally outs him online. He meets with his manager and opts to deny that he is gay rather than come out. While Ed thinks it’s the right thing to do, Aggie and Michael wish James felt safe enough to be honest.

Roy shows his kind heart when he abandons his ‘bat group’ in favour of his niece, Nina. His friends object to her because she is different but Roy accuses them of being judgemental and walks away, as does Brian. He and Hayley lived too long a life being judged for being different and he isn’t prepared to let Nina go through the same thing. I am genuinely enjoying the connection between Roy and Nina (and Carla too).

Ken is very reluctant to say goodbye to his home. Claudia wants him to cull his book collection (which is just unacceptable) and he is not allowed to take Eccles with him (also unacceptable). However, Claudia is eager to get going and Tracy, Steve and Amy are already making plans for the house. Liz is buying their flat from them. It’s time for Ken to say goodbye. I am sure he’ll be back. Hopefully without Claudia.

Coronation Street airs on ITV on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:30/8:30pm

Neighbours: All at Sea

(Tuesday 17^th March 2020)

Finn returns to Elly, informing her that it’s all over with Bea and she has taken the dinghy back to the mainland to get some space as she was understandably upset. Elly then receives a message from ‘Bea’ assuring her that she is fine and heading to see their mother. Elly is worried and guilty but Finn encourages her not to abandon Chloe (who wants to leave anyway because of Mark’s wedding) when she has put in so much effort for her birthday. That night, Finn slips into Elly’s bed without her realising.

Roxy and Kyle continue to flirt up a storm, resulting in going skinny dipping together but remain certain that there is no sexual attraction. Yeah right. They will be at it by the end of the week if one of them isn’t dead first! (My prediction for that is that Gary might die for Kyle).

Alone in the forest, Hendrix and Harlow camp out together and it’s sort of going well. Harlow is very distracted, worried about her mother and Gary, knowing that Prue is lying to him. Hendrix is struggling not to be irritated. Eventually, Harlow texts Gary with the truth (which we saw in yesterday’s lunch time episode) but still, Harlow cannot settle.

The next morning, while Toadie shows off over his supposed fishing success, Finn plays the role of heartbroken boyfriend in the wake of his breakup with Bea. As soon as he is alone, however, he goes skinny dipping (a very gratuitous shot of his bottom) to celebrate his newfound freedom and the success of his plan. When he exits (another gratuitous shot of him covered in nothing but a small towel!), he is surprised to find Harry waiting for him. There is very little explanation as to how he is out of prison. Harry worked out from his visit that Finn has recalled his memories. Having tracked him down to the island, he filmed his attack on Bea. He also went to the storage locker and he is very concerned about the bomb materials.

Finn isn’t fazed and easily plays him, explaining that he is desperately trying to remain a good person (um… explain attacking Bea then!) and insists that he really cares about Harry and wants to keep him in his life. Harry requests that he proves it and the next scenes show them both putting their clothes back on and looking rather intimate. Finn then manages to persuade Harry to delete the footage of the attack when he gets back to the mainland. He also warns Finn that their party aren’t the only ones on the island.

Poor Toadie’s day goes drastically wrong…

Toadie prepares to head home via water taxi but on the beach, he spots the dinghy that Bea is meant to have returned home on, hidden in the bushes. He hurries to tell Finn who makes excuses but Toadie urgently wants to tell the rest of the group. Finn requests that Toadie show him the boat. Big mistake! On the beach, Finn bashes Toadie over the head with a rock. He apologises, admitting that Toadie has always been good to him and confesses to attacking Bea. Then he bashes him again, puts a hole in the boat and sends it out to sea. I mean… it seems unlikely that they would kill Toadie off but those are hard injuries and circumstances to recover from. But I guess this is a soap that brought both Dee Bliss and Harold Bishop back from the dead so anything can happen!

Down in the mine, Bea sobs alone and in pain, desperately calling out for help.

Channel 5, weekdays 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Plus Neighbours Late: Endgame 10pm, Channel 5

Hollyoaks: Twisted Firestarter

(Monday 2^nd – Friday 13^th March 2020)

Joel saves Liam’s bacon at the last minute, although Warren can’t resist humiliating Liam one last time before he leaves. Liam swears revenge on Warren. He sets poor Maxine the task of spiking Warren’s drink and is furious when she stands up to him and refuses, having finally worked out that he is not on her side. Warren sets upon Liam a second time when he realises that he has been harassing Maxine and promises to always look out for her. After refusing to attend the scattering for Jesse’s ashes, Liam gets drunk and literally ends up in the gutter, pleading with Maxine for help.

She takes pity on him and appeals to James to support Liam, which he reluctantly agrees to, escorting him to be with his family to say goodbye to Jesse. But when Liam makes a move on James and is turned down, the mood changes and Liam is set back on revenge against Warren, Mercedes, James, Sylver and Maxine who are all pinned up on his weird little dartboard. He deliberately lets Grace see the board, enjoying watching them know they are in danger and his first port of call is to get Warren arrested for attacking him, leaving Mercedes vulnerable.

It’s an emotional moment as Tony and Diane finally confront the fact that she had a relationship in his absence, although she lies to him about the details, you know about the fact that she was sleeping with his Dad. She claims she was seeing a businessman called Barnaby (Barnaby?!?!) that she met on a dating app, he never met the kids and she didn’t love him. That’s a hell of a lot of thinking on the spot, Diane! Despite his heartbreak, accidentally hitting on his sister and constant interference from Edward, the couple talk things through and finally get back to the place we all hoped they would while Tony was being held captive. I am sure it won’t last long, unfortunately.

When Yasmine is told once and for all that her only option is to wear hearing aids, sweetheart Tom helps her bling them up to make them feel more like hers. They arrive home to find Sami and Verity at it on the couch. Delightful. Yas is accepted onto a journalism course.

Nancy reads Darren the riot act when he forgets to pick Oscar up from school, too busy practising for an upcoming stand up night (with some very not funny jokes). He lets his son down again by not making him a costume for World Book Day and loses his temper with Jack when he asks after his well-being. Home alone, Darren ignores calls and texts from Luke. While Mandy becomes increasingly impatient with Darren, nobody seems to notice the state of utter despair he has fallen into.

Celeste and Toby continue to plot and eagerly get the gossip from Mercedes about how Breda murdered Lisa’s father. Also, just as an aside, does nobody know that Breda killed Glenn Donovan? The two weirdos continue to plot to get more information from Lisa about Martine by Toby hitting on her, which quite frankly, is just a bit unsettling, as he is supposed to be her cousin. He later loses his temper when he finds out that Celeste has been having it away with Romeo, not wanting to put their plan in jeopardy.

Mitchell, Scott and Martine return from their holiday, just in time for Mitchell (and Toby’s birthday). Scott throws Mitchell a very rainbow party and hosts it as Anita, although he does tone it down at Mitchell’s request. He also has a quiet word with Walter, imploring him to made amends with his grandson; it’s all he wants for his birthday. Against the odds, Walter does show up to the party and even brings a gift, just as Mitchell tells everyone how deeply he loves Scott (which suddenly doesn’t repel him).

Toby and Celeste watch the happy family reunion in horror and unable to take it anymore, Toby bursts out with the truth: he is Martine’s son and Mitchell’s twin brother. Walter shuts Scott out as the family hurry home with Toby and Martine attempts to explain. She was in an abusive relationship and already five months gone when she realised she was pregnant. Her partner all but forced her to give the babies up for adoption, having found a Doctor he was sure would be a much better parent than they could ever be. But Mitchell was poorly and the Doctor didn’t want him so Martine kept him. Toby clarifies that he did not have a better life. Mitchell is destroyed by the revelations, including that Walter knew all along and was partly responsible for Martine’s decision making.

Toby returns home and rages at Celeste over Martine’s explanation. Celeste is furious that Martine didn’t even mention her, lending to the long held fan theory that she and Toby are not husband and wife but brother and sister. They are interrupted by Lisa, who wants answers and manages to reach Toby (but not Celeste) through telling her own story. Martine comes completely clean to Mitchell – he isn’t a twin; he is a triplet and also has a sister. In their flat, Toby and Celeste blow out candles on a shared birthday cake.

Toby agrees to speak to Martine; she wants to hear his story. Through all of this, we see flashbacks to Toby’s childhood, locked up behind a red door, provided for practically but not loved. He communicates with a girl (Celeste) through the wall and it soon transpires that the triplets have been separated and studied – same genes, different experience, how do they grow and turn out? Nature vs Nurture. Well, it’s an interesting idea except that the book, The Red Door, wouldn’t pass an ethics test. You can’t base a book on child abuse and just get away with it. Also, I have read that they wouldn’t have been eligible for that kind of study as they’re not identical twins. Well, they’re not even twins, there’s a triplet missing. So the testing doesn’t even make sense even if it would pass the ethics. So, all in all, nice idea, Hollyoaks but it doesn’t work. Fail. Oh, and they escaped their prison by burning the place down and running away!

So, after keeping their secret for this long, Celeste slips up with Scott and despite Toby telling her that her daughter is dead, Martine soon realises the truth: Celeste is not his wife, she is her child. But Celeste doesn’t want a mother. She slaps her instead. She and Toby then manipulate Mitchell into helping them track down their father, Felix. They have more revenge in mind.

Jordan returns to the Village and immediately sets Juliet the task of selling drugs outside a local school. She takes the job against Sid’s advice, eager to make some quick cash. However, she gets cocky and gets herself arrested by PC Kiss. James gets her out of trouble but it shakes Juliet up and she refuses to sell anything more. Unfortunately, she has already got herself in too deep with Jordan who warns her that she must keep working for him or he will expose her previous misdemeanours to her family.

Ollie is tempted to seek drugs from Jordan when he feels low over the loss of his baby and that Brooke doesn’t care. However, he changes his mind when he and Brooke finally reconnect. Brody and Liberty continue to bond over the baby and confess to Damon that it was conceived ‘the old fashioned way’.

Channel 4 at 6:30pm or a sneak peek 7pm on E4

These reviews are based on the E4 episodes

Neighbours: The Order

(Tuesday 17^th March 2020)

Mark B and Paige and family are excited about the upcoming wedding and honeymoon to Rome. Mark asks Aaron to be his best man. Off screen, Jack talks Brad and Lauren round when they worry that Paige and Mark are moving too fast and he also offers to bring Gabe to the wedding. Aww, he’s so lovely. I do much prefer Jack to Mark. I really need to get over this. I feel like I am the only one who isn’t delighted that Mark and Paige are back together. Am I missing something here? Well, at least Paige is a little nervous about how they are going to make a long distance marriage work!

Gary too, is very excited about his own wedding. He is disappointed that Prue and Harlow haven’t made things up and that Harlow isn’t coming, although Prue doesn’t seem very bothered. Sadly, his world comes crashing down around him when he receives a text from Harlow, informing him that Prue was forced to leave The Order; she didn’t leave of her own accord as she has claimed. Prue admits that she couldn’t pay up so she was thrown out of The Order and now they are chasing her for money. Heartbroken at being the consolation prize yet again, Gary walks out on her. He shares a heart warming moment with Sheila, which makes me worry for both their lives and then heads off to The Island to makes things right with Kyle. When Paul gleefully informs Prue that Gary has left her, she grabs a honeymoon box and hurtles after him.

Things remain tense between Terese and Paul after he used her wedding vows to write a letter from Richard to Jane. She is particularly unimpressed with the way he goads Gary. She forces Paul to admit to Jane what he did, prompting Jane to feel very guilty but also to stand up for Paul and remind Terese just why she loves him so much. Paul attempts to make things right with Terese and sincerely apologises to her. Privately, they renew their vows in place of Gary and Prue’s wedding, although it doesn’t count as one of the Big Five. Terese admits that she read some of Jane’s letters to Richard and she and Paul begin to hatch a plan to help her find happiness for herself.

Sky reconnects with the Rebecchi family but they notice that she is very cagey about her life and Dylan, from whom she has separated. She asks Jane to keep quiet about her upcoming wedding. Lesbians everywhere desperately look forward to the arrival of Lana!

Channel 5, weekdays 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Plus Neighbours Late: Endgame 10pm, Channel 5

Neighbours: Goodbye

(Monday 16^th March 2020)

So, it’s the first night of Neighbours Late: Endgame and Finn, Bea, Elly, Baby Aster, Kyle, Roxy, Pierce, Chloe and Toadie charge on over to Pierce and Chloe’s island, which is all set up with tents and invisible staff. And it’s more like the first bit of the island they reach in Bear Grylls than the one they finally settle at.

But anyway, while Roxy flirts up a storm with Kyle alongside insisting that she has sworn off men, Finn is a man on a mission. He winds Elly up by being all over Bea. She pushes him to stop stringing her sister along, not realising that a) when he’s getting intimate with Bea he’s literally visualising her, b) he has already set up a bomb to go off back home and c) his memories have returned and he has some sinister plans in mind.

Feigning the need to nap, he sends the others off to the beach to swim and play cricket in order to lay his trap – an old mine in the forest. He then dives back into his tent, pretending he was asleep the whole time for when Bea returns. The couple then head out for a walk and what do they find? The old mine! He pretends to have forgotten his old phone and wants to take a picture of her, thus needing hers. Getting her to the edge of hole, he tells her goodbye and shoves her in.

Poor, trusting Bea calls out for Finn, frustrating him. He returns to the top of the mine, explaining that he had hoped it would be a quick death. He hadn’t wanted her to suffer. He reveals that he is in love with Elly and she is in the way as Elly would always be loyal to her while she is around. Now, they will think she has gone missing and they’ll find her, having fallen in the mine and died of dehydration.

Meanwhile, naughty Hendrix and Harlow have sneaked onto the island. And who should bring them ashore but Harry Sinclair, Finn’s former accomplice? But isn’t he supposed to be in jail…?