Doctors: Computer Control

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Al formulates an app that will predict cancellations, completely ignoring the fact that as an incredible receptionist, Karen can already predict this better than any computer. On the first day of the trial, Karen does indeed predict the cancellations and Al’s app, which double books appointments based on who it thinks will cancel, turns the surgery into absolute chaos. Patients end up waiting an hour and a half for appointments and even walking out. Bear persuades Al to give it up. Karen proudly shows him that at the beginning of the day that she was far more accurate with her predictions that his app could ever have been.

Staff at The Mill have begun to notice the growing attraction between Bear and Ayesha and I am not happy about it! Bear quizzes Karen about Ayesha’s relationship status and arranges to go to a CCG meeting with her followed by lunch. I remain convinced that he is behind Jimmi’s incarceration. The meal doesn’t go well, as just like during a recent meeting. Ignorant Bear spends most of the time on his phone. And I’m pretty sure he mentions something about a ‘lock up’. My suspicion grows. He becomes almost aggressively jealous on ‘Galentine’s Day’ when he mistakenly believes there’s something going on between Ayesha and Valerie. But thankfully, he seem to have blown it without even realising and when he gives Ayesha a Valentine’s Day present; she neither understands why he is bothering or how he can even afford such an expensive gift.

There’s a really sweet episode where Al gives up an afternoon at a comic convention to treat a nun with a UTI and then help another nun with kleptomania. She started stealing dog food when she angry with a supermarket for calling the police on a homeless man needing food for his dog and wouldn’t let her buy it for him. Then she started stealing hundreds of tins, all from the big supermarkets. Al refuses to let her hands the tins back or to turn herself in. It won’t do anyone any good. Instead, they donate the tins to a dog shelter who really need them, helping to absolve herself of her guilt.

In a rather hilarious episode, Karen gets drunk with a rather annoying friend of hers who is bitter and angry and having some sort of midlife crisis. She wants a career change and has dumped her boyfriend and is clearly jealous of Karen’s success. She’s even jealous of her head injury and memory loss! But Karen falling off the swings and generally being very funny is worth it for having to put up with her irritating mate.

Meanwhile, Emma helps Daniel and Zara with Joe’s blaster gun party which is absolute chaos. While Daniel joins in the fun, Zara attempts to control the chaos and Emma gets hilariously drunk. But the next door neighbour thinks that actual guns are being fired and calls the police. The next thing they know, armed police descend on the house, frightening everyone, apart from drunk Emma who finds the whole thing rather exciting. However, Joe and his friends think the police turning up has made it the best party ever!

Rob discovers Joe’s online friend, Pixie…

Rob comes to sort the whole situation out but he makes an even more alarming discovery when he gets chatting to Joe and discovers that he has been talking to a girl called Pixie online. It soon transpires that Pixie is actually Al and he was trying to prove to Daniel and Zara just how unsafe Joe is online. At first, Daniel is absolutely livid but surprisingly, Zara is quite reasonable and asks Al to help them protect Joe online. However, when he connects their phones to his tablet, Joe is able to see the content of their phones as well. Left in Valerie’s care, he casts his tablet to the main screen in the waiting room and accidentally plays one of Daniel’s video diaries to Valerie in the empty waiting room. Zara rushes out and stops it before making Al change the settings to block Joe from seeing their phone content. Later, Zara watches Daniel’s video diaries. Another step towards them getting back together?

Daniel and Zara discover that Al has been talking to their son online…

Emma is surprised when her old flame, Lena asks to book her spare room for the weekend, especially when she books it for Valentine’s Day. Lena has left her husband and has decided that she is much more interested in women and is a lot happier with herself and her life now than she was when they were together. Emma is about to make her move when Lena announces that she is six months (and eight days) into a new relationship. Then she asks if her girlfriend can stay as well, landing Emma with sharing a house with a very happy couple for the weekend! Poor Emma.

Rob and Emma support a grieving mother seek justice for her son, victim of a postcode killing by a gang of thugs. Valerie, meanwhile brings together a couple who have only communicated over playing chess on the Internet.

Doctors is on BBC1, weekdays at 1:45pm

Eastenders: The Curse of Queen Victoria

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Callum’s day go drastically wrong when Keanu shows up and abducts him! Poor Callum. See, this is why Ben warned you to stay away from him… Keanu then tracks Ben down and informs him that he wants £100,000 or Callum is dead. Honestly, I don’t know how these soap characters ever expect (or manage) to get hold of these kind of sums or money. It’s just unreasonable. Set your sights a bit lower, mate.

Anyway, Ben spends most of the episode fart arsing around really. He’s certainly not in much of a hurry. He mostly looks after poorly Lexi and looks a bit tense. Oh and he has a go at Martin for not actually committing murder when surely the fact that Keanu is indeed alive would solve most of his problems. Phil could return from exile and Louise would have a father for her child, to name a few. Martin then warns Karen to tell Keanu to back off his stupid idea when she gets hold of him. Phil returns to help Ben so I’m sure this will end marvellously.

Keanu meanwhile, is keen to run off with Sharon and start a whole new life with her and the baby. She manages to talk Denny round. However, she makes a big mistake by lying to him that Phil and Ben did indeed kill Keanu. I mean, they meant to kill him. They fully intended to kill him. But they didn’t do it. And she knows that. And if they do run off together, presumably with Denny, even he’s not dumb enough not to work that out so he’ll kick off yet again when he realises she lied to him while they were making up. For once, he might actually be justified for being an absolute brat. Honestly, he didn’t get any of his lovely Dad’s genes. RIP Dennis Rickman.

Mick and Linda put on a united front for the social worker but still Linda can’t get through it without a few swing of alcohol. She gets the wrong end of the stick when she spots Mick and the social worker talking at the bottom of the stairs and doesn’t believe Mick when he tries to explain. The truth is that he was reassuring her that Linda has never been unsafe with Ollie, which is of course a lie. Unsatisfied, Linda tracks the social worker down and attempts to explain herself, revealing the whole story of Ollie going up on the roof. Mick is absolutely furious. Not only has she revealed herself to be an unfit parent, she has also shown him up to be untrustworthy.

Linda announces the end of her marriage…

Linda takes things further by drunkenly berating Mick in front of the whole pub. Everyone is uncomfortable when she tells them that the Mick they all love didn’t protect her from being raped by Dean or protect Tina from Stuart. She then lays into him about having panic attacks. He manages to get in there first when she is about to announce that they are getting divorced. The moment gets even worse when she falls face first on the floor. Mick doesn’t help her up. He is disappointed the next day to realise that Linda has already sought legal advice from Gray, before she even handed him divorce papers. He goes home and sadly signs away his marriage, unable to change his wife’s mind.

Mo tells Daniel off for being so grumpy with Jean who is doing her best to look after him since he has been told that time is running out. He then buys Mo’s entire Valentine’s stock in a bid to make things up to Jean, wanting them to enjoy the time they have left together. Suki continues to try and gleam as much information as possible from Jean about living with cancer.

Still hurt over her parents’ lies, Bex decides to get a job and move in with Ash, Iqra, Habiba and Bobby. She doesn’t manage the job part but she does move out and she’s welcomed into the open arms of her friends. Bobby tries to enjoy a social life with his friends but they awkwardly alert him to some trolling online. That night, Dotty offers drugs to him and Bex. After his previous experience, he turns her down but Bex goes for it and even wants some more the next day. Not a good idea! Kathy alerts Ian to the online trolling of his son but Bobby doesn’t want his help.

Leo continues to spy on Whitney from the loft. He watches a heart to heart between Whitney and Kush as she reveals that she kept a letter that Tony sent her shortly before he died. Whitney lets Sonia down about the trip away, not feeling it would be right to go and enjoy herself when she has let Kat and Kush down so badly. She does however, go and make things right with Kat. While the house is empty, Leo ransacks the place looking for Tony’s letter. Whitney is shaken to find that someone has been in the house. The police follow protocol but Kat insists that it’s obvious who is behind the robbery. It’s confirmed when Whitney discovers that Tony’s letter is missing.

Things come to a head the next day when Leo confronts Whitney alone in the house with a knife. Trapped, with no exit, Whitney desperately tries to get away from him but things become physical and Leo hits his head. He slips on some spilled water, landing on top of Whitney, the knife between them, the blade stabbing him. Ding dong, Leo’s dead.

Eastenders is on BBC1 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays (7:30pm/8:00pm)

Coronation Street: Otherwise Engaged

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Ryan is relieved to pay off his debt to Gary at last but he is soon set on a mission to buy an engagement ring for Maria on Gary’s behalf. Stupidly, Ryan brings the ring to the house when Gary isn’t there and then quickly backtracks, making Maria extremely suspicious that her boyfriend is up to no good again. When she then sees Gary taking pity on an old client and giving him some money as a gift and not a loan, as he’s determined not to be a loan shark anymore, she misreads the situation and becomes convinced that he hasn’t changed at all.

Maria turns to Ali for comfort and he is only too happy to slag Gary off and console Maria, which of course leads to them sleeping together because in soap, nobody can ever have a hug! Afterwards, Maria lays into Gary for his behaviour. Begging her to believe him, Gary brings both Ryan and his former client to see her and explain the situation. He produces the ring and proposes. Ryan is then left with the job to break the news to Ali that Gary and Maria do not look like they are going to break up any time soon. I’d also like to give a shout out to Mikey North who looked very fetching in Maria’s dressing gown.

Ray sets his sights on Alya, inviting her to a business meeting at a hotel and making her extremely uncomfortable. He is furious when Bethany bursts in, filming them, determined to prove that he is a sexual predator. It takes a while for Alya to really accept that she was about to become his next victim but eventually, she is on board and vocalises how he made her feel. Taking things further, Daniel and now unemployed Bethany get hold of Ray’s private accounts and managed to work out that several of his past employees have NDAs.

Bethany publicly reprimands Ray for what he is, in front of Abi who had no idea and a journalist who doesn’t quite know what to do but privately confirms the truth to Abi. Bethany writes an amazing article about Ray for the local paper, destroying his reputation, although he still denies any wrong doing. Abi feigns faith in him and attends a charity event with him at the Bistro. However, he is horrified to realise that she has invited all the victims that she could find. She then makes a public announcement about his crimes. He throws her out of the Bistro, only for her to steal his car and set fire to it. Good!

Having spent so much time working together against Ray, Bethany and Daniel grow closer and end up in bed together. While Bethany is unsure, Daniel tells her that Sinead left him a message telling him to move on and be happy. However, Beth is outraged that he has moved on so quickly, especially with the girl he kissed when Sinead was dying. Despite what he says, I don’t think Daniel really does like Bethany in that way. I think he just doesn’t want to be alone. In the end, I think she will get her heart broken.

Daniel and Bethany come out as a couple…

Sean and Mary have teething problems as they settle into living together at Eileen’s. Nick is dismissive when Eileen applies for a sales job at the factory but Sarah gives her an interview, where she loses her temper under pressure! It’s Alina the gets the job in the end and kindly Emma invites her to move into her and Seb’s spare room. Honestly, that girl is too kind for words! This has disaster written all over it!

David struggles to maintain family life alongside constant trips to Leeds to visit Shona, who doesn’t even want to see him anyway. Distracted and exhausted, David crashes his car and writes it off – with the kids in the back. Eventually, he accepts that he needs to slow down and focus more on the children, reducing his visits to the hospital.

Social Services decide that Fiz and Tyrone can supervise visits between Jade and Hope. Ken tells Peter and Tracy that he is thinking of moving into the retirement village but Claudia gets annoyed when he is vague. Peter and Tracy are mostly concerned that he may sell the house. James tests the waters when a colleague of Ed’s, Danny comes out to him. Ed isn’t horrible about it but he is awkward and struggles to let it go. Also, James and Danny clearly have history as the moment Ed’s back is turned, they’re all over each other!

Coronation Street airs on ITV on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:30/8:30pm

Emmerdale: Kidnapped!

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Pierce makes himself very comfortable with Kim who is surprisingly trusting, although Al threatens to derail his plans when he interrogates him about his qualifications and the name of his firm. He immediately investigates him and discovers that he’s spun a load of lies. But somehow, Pierce is able to explain everything away to Kim’s satisfaction.

Mandy brings April to the prison to see Marlon where he makes his daughter promise not to run away again. They leave him a #FreeMarlonDingle poster to keep him going. Rhona also comes to see him and poses her theory that Kim and Al are behind Graham’s death. She goes to the Outdoor Adventure site to try and find some evidence against Al and Kim. Dawn joins her and mentions that on the day he died, he locked Ryan up in a hut, panicking Charity that Rhona might connect her and Ryan to Graham’s death. She plays down what happened and Dawn apologises to Ryan, worried that she has caused him grief. Rhona is caught on CCTV and questioned by the police for the break in. Kim offers to drop the charges in exchange for a formal apology.

Things remain tense between Charity and Vanessa as Charity remains adamant that she needs to protect Ryan and Vanessa is determined to tell Rhona and the police the truth in order to unburden themselves, help Rhona find the missing pieces she needs and also help Marlon who is behind bars for a crime he didn’t commit. Just as an aside, Vanessa has a pretty hot picture of Charity as her wallpaper on her phone!

Having decided once and for all to tell Rhona the truth, Vanessa is stunned to come face to face with Pierce. He drags Vanessa and Johnny into Laurel’s empty house, absolutely livid to have been seen and therefore to have had his plan derailed. To be fair, he was literally walking out in the open in the middle of the village. What did he expect? It’s a wonder that only Kim and Al have seen him so far!

He puts Johnny upstairs and ties Vanessa up downstairs. He reveals some of his plans and that he killed Graham. They argue and he informs her that nobody is looking for her. Charity thinks that she is angry with her and has gone off on their honeymoon without her. To be fair, at first, people were looking for her but eventually, they just kind of gave up and do think she’s stropped off. Great friends and girlfriend and all that. There’s a horrible moment when Tracey nearly hears her calling and Pierce silences her. Then an even worse moment when she breaks free and they fight and it looks like Pierce might even kill her. But by the end of the week, poor Vanessa is still tied up, all her hope drained from her and worse, Pierce cuts off the baby monitor that lets her communicate with her son upstairs.

Luke appeals to Victoria on behalf of himself and his mother. He wants a relationship with her and now that Wendy has finally accepted that Lee was a rapist, she also wants a chance to get to know Victoria and be a grandmother to Harry. Wendy too tries to apologise to Victoria. Diane takes Wendy under her wing and learns more about her family life. She blames herself for Lee becoming a bully after she and her husband divorced but Diane thinks she is making excuses. Lots of children go through divorce and they don’t turn out the way he did. Include Luke, presumably! She recommends that Wendy give Victoria the space she needs to heal.

Victoria decides to make a go of things with Luke. I know viewers are very divided with this one. I mean, let’s face it, dating your rapist’s brother is very, very odd. But they have written it pretty well. He’s really lovely and there’s a lot of chemistry there. And they’re also not rushing it so, I’m sort of behind them. At the very least I’m willing to see where it goes.

Victoria is utterly exhausted before they even go on their date and ends up falling asleep. Being a gentleman, Luke tucks her up on the sofa and tidies her house. When she wakes up, they watch a film at home together. How sweet.

Cain looks out for Matty on the farm as they become the victim of rustlers. See, they say soaps don’t teach you anything. If someone had asked me last week what a rustler was, I would have suggested it was a person eating crisps in a noisy fashion. Apparently not. These people are after the livestock at the farm. Suddenly noisy crisp eaters aren’t so offensive. No, that’s a lie. Noisy crisp eaters are always offensive. Just as Amy and Matty are about to be taken down by said rustlers, Moira appears out of nowhere, sober and armed with a gun to scare them off! Like a farming superhero! But still sore from her previous behaviour, Matty doesn’t trust her and runs off, worried that she is drunk and out of control. She manages to prove that she has turned things around and is thrilled to be reunited with all her sons.

Kim cancels Andrea’s prospective tenancy, prompting her to threaten to move out of the village completely and take Millie with her. Jamie has other things on his mind, however, when he finds himself back in Belle’s arms. But things come to a swift half when Kim catches them and warns Belle off.

Pete, one of the least interesting soap characters to have ever existed, shuffles out of the Dales. Liv celebrates her eighteenth birthday. Will plans a romantic getaway for Harriet. Despite Leanna objections, Liam and Leyla decide to make a go of things.

Emmerdale is on at 7pm Monday to Friday with a second episode at 8pm on Thursdays

Hollyoaks: Man Up is a Destructive Phrase!

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Edward traumatises Tony at the pig farm…

Diane rightfully frets about her husband’s whereabouts as his monster of a father has taken him to the pig farm. Tony is terrified as Edward forces him in to the barn to confront his fears. When he steps into the cell he called home for months, he locks him in, shouting at him to be a man and sort himself out. Tony does indeed make a breakthrough and does determine to start afresh and fight for himself and his family. He returns home with a whole new perspective on life. He is determined to be a good father and a good husband.

Now, I can’t work out if Edward had intended to break Tony completely at the farm or if his whole plan had been to build him up and break him down. But break him down he does. He is full of snide remarks the next day and by the middle of the week, he is worse than he was before. With Edward setting traps like leaving lolly pops in the house and messages in the mirror, Tony becomes scared and paranoid that Breda might still be alive. Eventually, he agrees to get professional help, which Edward immediately attempts to talk him out of.

Diane is angry with Edward for damaging Tony further by taking him to the pig farm. Edward rejects at call from Tony on Diane’s phone. Tony reluctantly goes to see the Nancy lookalike therapist. She tells him that the things Edward has been saying to him are destructive and asks him to let her help him get better. Tony comes home feeling really positive after his session. He’s cleared his head and has been given medication. He takes Diane out on a Valentine’s date. Now, what’s the betting that at some point, Edward is going to mess with Tony’s meds?

Brody and Warren are very snappy with each other on their Seeking Sienna Road Trip. Thank goodness for Joel and his sing along Proclaimers! Genuinely, the highlight of the week! The boys do bond, however, when Warren opens up to them about his life growing up in a children’s home. When the boys return home empty handed, Warren is quickly arrested but Brody is persuaded to go against Sienna’s claims and get Warren off the charges. What a fool! Well, he pays for it pretty immediately when Sienna finally gets in touch and realises what he’s done. Any hope he had of a reunion are well and truly over. He’s already got her sister pregnant and now he’s betrayed her with the man who stole her kids. What a moron.

Damon supports Liberty at her twelve week scan, as she frets over being abandoned by both Brody and Sienna. He leaves Brody a voicemail about the scan. Brody lays into Warren who ends up consoling and counselling him. Brody gets to the scan just in time. Elated over their baby, Brody and Liberty kiss. What a surprise. Liberty confides in Damon about the kiss. Brody confides in Joel. Liberty decides to leave the village but Brody doesn’t want her to. Liberty assures Brody that her feelings for him are under control. Brody admits that he has feelings for her too but it’s not the right time. What they don’t know is that there is a live feed filming them from the doll’s house straight to Sienna who is plotting her revenge. Psycho Sienna is back!

Joel organises a speed dating night at The Dog. Warren is the only one who pulls and he’s not even participating! The next morning, Mercedes and Goldie return from their holiday and are shocked to find Warren living at the pub (along with the two girls he brought back the night before). She throws the girls out and argues with Warren: cue the beginning of an ignited romance. They’re in bed with each other before the end of the episode! Honestly, is there no such thing as romance anymore?!

Warren and Mercees can’t resist each other…

Ollie gets over excited when he discovers that Brooke has bought baby clothes. He messes up his Valentine’s Day date by buying booties for the baby and bringing up the idea of raising the baby again. Ollie confides in Luke about Brooke and the baby. Luke pledges his support to Ollie, who is thrilled at the thought that he and Luke could bring the baby up together. Of course, Ollie doesn’t know about Luke’s illness. Also, when did Ollie break his leg?

Maxine is horrified to learn she is being evicted for non-payment of rent. Her landlady is also a Poundland version of Grace Black. While Maxine stalls by falling back on her imaginary illness, the landlady gives her a day to stump up some of the cash but if she doesn’t hand it over, there’ll be trouble. She leaves Minnie with Damon but doesn’t tell him the real reason why. With no options left, Maxine turns to Liam for help. He feigns friendship, pretending that he doesn’t blame her for Jesse’s death when he clearly does and gives her a job at the salon.

Maxine thinks Liam is being kind by giving her a job at the salon…

Channel 4 at 6:30pm or a sneak peek 7pm on E4

These reviews are based on the E4 episodes

Neighbours: Plain Jane Super Brain

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Jane Harris returns to Erinsborough and she seems to have a real spring in her step. It soon transpires, at least to us, that she has a new man in her life. However, all is not as it seems as she speaks to him on the phone about making a ‘transfer’ and by the next day, the champagne she’s bought and the hotel room she’s decorated have all gone to waste and her mood is completely destroyed. Poor Jane.

When Paul spots Jane in a state, demanding that her room be cleaned up (and also claiming that the decoration was a mistake), he takes it as another opportunity to lay into Chloe. However, he is suitable concerned about Jane’s state of mind and frustrated when she won’t open up to him. She does open up to Dipi though. Richard, the man she has been talking to online, now doesn’t want anything to do with her – since she transferred him all of her savings. Dipi is supportive and encourages her to speak to the police. Jane remains convinced that it’s all a misunderstanding until Dipi discovers that the photo he used is a stock photo from the Internet. Jane starts a job teaching at the school where Harlow behaves really oddly around her. Susan, who is already perplexed that Jane would accept such a junior position, catches Jane searching through files in her office.

With Paul still on her back and fearing she is not impressing Lucy, Chloe comes up with the idea of holding a wedding expo at the hotel. Her USP is that she is able to get a vaguely royal wedding dress. Elly helps her prep, giving hope to all the #chelly fans out there. She pitches the idea to Paul, who remains unconvinced. However, all the Neighbours fans out there will be aware that the show’s 35^th birthday is coming up soon and it will fear FIVE WEDDINGS (and three deaths!) so presumably Chloe’s idea will be a success (please let Skye and Lana be one of the weddings! Please!)

Finn opens up to Bea and Susan about his father, Trent and considers contacting him. Interfering Bea jumps the gun and contacts him herself. Always helpful. She and Elly arrange to meet Trent and discover that he did gather together the ransom money to rescue his son. Unfortunately, being an alcoholic at the time, he got drunk, slept with a woman at his hotel and she stole the cash. He then left Columbia with his tail between his legs and Finn was left abandoned to his kidnappers as his wife was only ever interested in rescuing Shaun. While Bea and Elly are eager for Trent to reconnect with Finn, they implore him not to tell him that he was too drunk and useless to save him.

Father and son do reconnect but Finn grows suspicious when he later sees Trent and Elly arguing. He confronts Elly and Bea over what they are clearly keeping from him. They are forced to tell him the truth. He is devastated and storms out. Elly catches up with him and he opens up to her about everything he went through and how his parents let him down.

Desperate to resolve the situation with Zenin, Ned enlists Kyle’s help in buying a gun from him and reporting it to the police to get him arrested. Unfortunately, Yashvi finds the gun and is utterly furious with Ned for his stupid plan. The next day, having reported it all, Zenin isn’t immediately arrested, although the police assure them they are dealing with it. Later, Zenin texts Yashvi. Something odd is going on…

Meanwhile, poor Kyle is an absolute mess. While Aaron and David and a very excited and supportive Paul are getting very excited about Mardi Gras, there is a very cute moment where a confetti cannon explodes and Kyle nearly craps himself. He later sets one off on purpose to prove he’s fine.

Against Shane’s request, Karl is busy keeping an eye on Dipi and Gary and is shocked when he witnesses the pair seemingly too comfortable together at the house. However, Dipi decides that now might be the time to try and speak to Shane. Unfortunately, that all goes out the window when Shane and Roxy get rostered on together and Dipi witnesses them sharing a bit of a moment. Furious, she comes home to rant to Gary. Karl peers over the fence at just the wrong moment – Dipi plants a kiss on stunned Gary. Overwhelmed with guilt, Dipi resolves to tell Shane the truth but of course, meddling Karl gets there first. Shane is furious but also deeply hurt when he realises that Dipi initiated the kiss. Karl is apologetic, especially when he realises that the woman he overheard him lamenting over was actually Prue, not Dipi.

Dipi and Shane finally talk things through, leading him to make a really sweet romantic gesture. He takes them through their whole relationship, reminding them of everything they’ve been through and pledging his commitment to their future. Now, we know from the promo for their 35^th anniversary that three people are going to die. Shane and Dipi have been through a massive upheaval. Now they’re desperately in love again. They are prime candidates for being killed off…

Channel 5, 1:45pm and 5:30pm

Home and Away: Honesty

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Ryder finally catches up with Jade, having taken so long to get ready for his big moment with her that he missed it! He makes awkward small talk with her but only succeeds in irritating her. Then she mentions Roo and breaks things off with him, prompting him to lay into his aunt. He foolishly ignores Roo’s warning that Jade is not a good person and then ends up in bed with Jade. This is not going to end well.

Roo worries about Ryder not coming home that night. However, he hasn’t gone far. He’s spent the night in Jade’s caravan. He is so proud of himself for his success that he behaves like a complete prat, far too eager to show off to people who don’t actually care about his sex life. In fact, the only person who does care in Roo, who gives him a serve for staying out all night – in front of Jade. Ryder is quick to fire back at her. After getting a talking to from Alf, Ryder makes amends with Roo. He refers to Jade as his girlfriend. Wow, he’s jumping the gun! He again refuses to let his family get too close to Jade.

Roo seeks Maggie’s friendship as she struggles to cope with Ryder flying the nest. They go through students’ grades and are disappointed by Bella’s results. Maggie visits Bella, who has just moved back in with Colby to discuss her options. She point blank refuses to repeat Year Eleven. Maggie agrees to offer all the support she can to get Bella through Year Twelve.

After a family dinner, Jasmine tackles Robbo on the tension between him and his Dad and he reveals the offer of moving to the farm. Jasmine is surprisingly open to the idea as the couple attempt to plan their future, including the possibility of Grace having to live without Tori. They decide to move to the farm with Ian and Wendy in four weeks’ time. Jasmine suggests that Robbo find a manager for the gym rather than sell it.

Justin feels that Robbo is letting Tori down…

Justin returns from the city with the news that Tori needs to be transferred to a specialist unit. While Mason is supportive of the idea, Justin feels like everyone is giving up on her as the hospital have made it clear that there’s nothing more that they can do. Things get worse when Ian and Wendy put their foot in it with Justin and Leah about the move. Robbo then breaks the news, which only compounds Justin’s belief that people are giving up on Tori. John spots Justin taking off in his car in a state of utter fury and grief.

Leah is furious with Robbo for his ill-timed announcement, blaming him for Justin’s disappearance. Alex and Willow offer Mason their support over Tori. At least someone acknowledges that it’s not just Justin suffering! He and Leah challenge Robbo over giving up on Tori and never taking Grace to see her. He doesn’t think it would do Tori any good or be good for Grace, although Alex argues that there’s evidence that Tori and Grace could still bond, despite Tori’s coma. He takes the baby to the hospital where he finds Justin. He orders Justin to contact Leah before handing Grace over to bond her with Tori. He comes home and informs Leah and Mason that he will not send Tori to the brain injury unit, prompting a huge argument between him and his brother.

Ziggy returns from her trial at the race track to a new surfboard from her Dad and a happy reunion with Dean, who forces himself to be supportive about the job.

Working out on the beach, Alex and Willow struggle with their ban on PDAs. Alex supports panicked Willow when Robbo wants a serious talk about the gym. Willow opens up to Alex about her past and how good Robbo has been to her. Alex encourages her to face the situation head on. Willow steals a kiss before she leaves. In public! She’s ecstatic when Robbo promotes her to full time manager!

Thrilled, Willow arranges celebratory drinks with Dean, Colby, Alex and Ziggy. Alex is so excited for her girlfriend that she brings her a present and puts no pressure on her to come out to her friends. Willow tactlessly books a table but doesn’t invite Mac. Alex invites Mason, admitting that she’s nervous about the evening but he is too broken over Tori and Justin. Alex suggests moving Tori to the local hospital and weaning her off the ventilator. Even if it doesn’t work, they would have more support here and more control over her care. Justin apologises to Mason who suggests Alex’s idea to him about bringing Tori to Northern Districts and bringing her off the ventilator, which Justin eagerly agrees to.

Willow celebrates her new job with her girlfriend and her friends…

Colby brings Bella along to the drinks night. She teases Willow and Alex about their secret relationship. Behind the bar, Mac proceeds to get drunk as she struggles to watch Colby ignore her and have fun with his friends. She and Bella snipe at each other. While Ziggy sincerely thanks Alex for all she has done for Ben, Willow is eager for Dean’s opinion of Alex. He can’t work out why she even invited her. Alex raises a toast to Willow. Colby is shocked to discover that Robbo and Jasmine are leaving Summer Bay. Dean is supportive when Ziggy hears that she didn’t get the track job but Mac provokes a row when she drunkenly blurts out that Dean never wanted her to get it in the first place. The party breaks up when Dean and Ziggy go home and argue about the fact that neither of them has been honest about their feelings about the job. They quickly make up though and Ziggy pretends to be happy to stay in the Bay.

Colby tells Mac off for her behaviour, prompting Willow and Alex to make a quick escape. Colby and Bella exit just as Willow and Alex are kissing.

My favourite line of the week is from Bella: “Oh yeah. That’s a thing.”

While Willow drags Colby back into the Surf Club to explain that she and Alex are in a relationship, Alex admits to Bella that she is surprised she hadn’t already blabbed. Colby is over the moon that Willow has found happiness. He welcomes Alex to the family. When Willow is still worried about Dean, she has to admit to her past romantic relationship with him to Alex, who isn’t bothered – everyone has a past. Alex is keen for Colby’s approval. She definitely has it. And unlike Mac and previously, Ziggy, she has Bella’s approval too.

The next day, worried Willow enlists John’s help in opening Salt, only to find that lonely Mac drank herself silly and slept there the night before. She lies and claims to have worked late on the books and stayed over but Willow and Alex don’t buy it. Dean is furious with Mac for dropping him in with Ziggy. Mac asks Dean to keep Colby away from Salt so that she can find a way to move on. Dean reluctantly agrees to pass the message on, despite not wanting to get stuck in the middle of their relationship and despite his opinion that they should try and work through things. Mac apologises to Ziggy and assures her that Dean loves her. Colby is annoyed at being told to stay away from Salt. Ziggy is offered the job after all and she accepts without a second’s thought.

Bella claims to be feeling unwell in a bid to stop Colby from going out. He calls Alex (and Willow) round to check on her.

(Channel 5, 1:15pm & 6pm (sneak peek, weekdays on 5STAR at 6:30pm)

Emmerdale: The Truth

(Monday 3^rd – Friday 7^th February 2020)

Kim is currently the number one suspect among the villagers for Graham’s murder. And weirdly, they’re sort of right and sort of wrong. Al catches Vanessa and Rhona snooping around Home Farm, who adamantly insists that Marlon is the guilty party. However, he also lets slip that Kim already knew about the move to France. Kim is furious with Al. But when Rhona comes home, she finds that someone has been into her house and broken a picture. Unaware that Pierce is stalking her, she accuses Kim of breaking in. Pierce lets himself into the house yet again and listens to Rhona ranting about Kim.

Kim accidentally runs Pierce over on his bike and brings him home patch him up. He poses as a divorce lawyer called Ollie and manages to get himself hired by her for Jamie. He uses Clark Kent as inspiration and puts on glasses as a disguise, a bit like Keanu’s magical beard in Eastenders. Jamie is hesitant at first but as usual, he does what his mother tells him, upsetting Andrea who he had agreed to work things out civilly with. Things remain awkward between Belle and Jamie after their night together. Belle throws herself into her relationship with Ellis.

Meanwhile, Vanessa and Charity are still on the rocks after Charity and Ryan’s revelations of their theft on the night of Graham’s murder. Please don’t let them break up again! They’ve only just sorted things out!

Cain visits Marlon and tells him all about the campaign, passing on messages of love from April. When she realises that she is being lied to and that she is actually being prevented from seeing her father, she runs away, sending the whole village into a panic. Like every soap character, Marlon gets more visitors than legally possible. He completely breaks down when he finds out that his daughter is missing. She stays out overnight but Bob and Sam find her randomly walking along the roadside the next day. She comes home on the agreement that she gets to see Marlon.

Rhona laments to Vanessa over her lost love. That night, Pierce breaks into her house to watch her sleep. I’m still not entirely comfortable with this story. If they had just brought a creepy guy in to stalk her or even an ex, that would be a one thing but this is a man who raped her. It’s not creepy Leo King in Eastenders, who freaks me out enough. This is a rapist we’re dealing with. It almost feels dismissive of what happened, like they’re turning him into a bit of a pantomime villain. I’m not sure about this yet… What do other people think?

Victoria allows Wendy to say a brief hello to baby Harry. She has also sent her a photo. When Victoria gets Luke a job in the Woolpack kitchen, she ends up helping him out on her day off. Together, they juggle the kitchen and the baby and when he goes upstairs to tend to Harry for her, she overhears him on the baby monitor telling Harry how much he likes her. She teases him about what she overheard and agrees to go on a date with him as well as to letting him look after Harry while she goes for counselling.

While Luke is out with Harry, Wendy finds Victoria’s journal but gets caught reading it by Victoria, prompting a very emotional conversation where Wendy finally admits that she knows that Lee raped her. She has been coming to terms with the truth for a while now, as she has been getting to know Victoria and her story has begun to make sense. But now, reading her journal has compounded everything. Unfortunately, no progress is made as despite facing the horrific truth, she cannot let go of her love for her son or the fact that she misses him. Subsequently, Victoria has no choice but to say goodbye to Luke as well, not wanting him to be constantly torn between her and his mother.

Laurel hears the sad news that Sandy has died, over in Australia (this is the moment that Emmerdale has chosen to respectfully acknowledge the passing of actor Freddie Jones within the context of the story). While everyone raises a glass to him in the pub, Arthur is broken up with guilt, believing that his abuse of Archie is the reason Sandy died. Jimmy finds him breaking down at Ashley’s grave and is so kind and supportive because that’s just the kind of guy he is. It’s funny when you think about the horrible family Jimmy came from and he didn’t actually start out very nice either. But anyway, Jimmy sends Arthur to his mother and he confesses everything. Laurel is distraught but kind. She feels guilty for not having been there properly for her son.

Just as Laurel prepares to tell poor Jimmy the truth, Jai arrives home from rehab, wanting to make things right and to support her over Sandy’s death. He also wants to get back together. Laurel decides to wait until they return from Sandy’s funeral in Australia before facing up to things. She also makes Arthur promise never to behave that way again.

With Pete’s blessing, Nate and Tracey start dating, although why Tracey would even want to go there, I have no idea. This man clearly has no respect for women. Or people in general. But especially women. Pete opens up to Tracey about how much he misses his family and she suggests that working at the farm where his mother tortured his father before she killed him, might not be the best idea.

Emmerdale is on at 7pm Monday to Friday with a second episode at 8pm on Thursdays

Coronation Street: 10,000 Episodes

(Monday 3^rd – Friday 7^th February 2020)

While Geoff prattles on about his magic show, Yasmeen desperately cleans the house. He continuously harasses Yasmeen at work and then sabotages a spa day for her an Alya when Emma is unable to be his assistant for the show. He loses his temper when she is anxious about being locked in a box for one of the tricks, as she is claustrophobic.

During the show, the trick with Yasmeen in the box goes wrong and Yasmeen is unable to get out of the box ‘magically’, meaning Geoff has to really wrestle with the box to set her free. The audience find it hilarious and it earns Geoff the name ‘Jiggle It Geoff’, sending the video viral. Of course, Geoff does not find it funny and what is not caught on video is Geoff blaming poor Yasmeen and calling her a ‘clumsy, oafish bitch’. It’s a truly horrible moment, with worse to come, as the more compliments they receive for doing ‘comedy magic’, the worse punishment Yasmeen receives from her vile husband.

That night, Yasmeen almost begs Tim to stay when Geoff sends him off to try and sort things out with Sally. Alone together, Geoff lays into her for apparently sabotaging the show. He physically intimidates her and frightens her before shoving a phone camera in her face, videoing her and screaming horrific abuse at her, suggesting he might put that online to embarrass her. But of course he won’t because it won’t show her in a bad light, will it? Hopefully this video will eventually be his undoing…

He sends her out for chips, having rejected the dinner she has made. Out, she bumps into Emma who reveals that she was actually fired as Geoff’s assistant. So the whole ordeal was caused by Geoff and all because he didn’t want Yasmeen to a spa for a couple of hours with her granddaughter.

The poor woman is treading on eggshells the next day as the video of the show has gone international. Geoff is raging, although they both put on a front for Tim. He throws Yasmeen’s breakfast away and calls her fat. He tells Tim that Yasmeen doesn’t want him to stay with them anymore, making him feel like he is putting their marriage under pressure. Geoff suggests that Yasmeen help him practice for his next show as a way to make things up to him. He makes some adjustments to the box, during which time, Yasmeen mentions her conversation with Emma but it only gets her into trouble as he recalls that she took ten minutes longer to get the chips than she said she would be. He then locks her in the box – for the whole afternoon! He ignores her cries to be let out before turning music up loud going for a pint with Brian.

While Yasmeen screams and cries for help, Geoff enjoys a casual pint with Brian, not letting on how annoyed his is by the gentle teasing about the magic show from his friend. Eventually exhausted, poor Yasmeen gives up. The music has stopped by the Tim arrives back at the house and he is absolutely stunned to find Yasmeen locked in the box. He rescues her and is still trying to work out how such a terrible thing could have happened when Geoff arrives back, clearly horrified to have had his son rescue his wife. At first, Tim accuses his father of locking Yasmeen in but Geoff is quick with a denial and a lie. He tells him that Yasmeen was timing herself and must have got locked in. Yasmeen doesn’t contradict him. Tim reluctantly accepts it and gives the couple time to talk. Come on, Tim! Work it out! Genuinely concerned, he tells Eileen what has happened. This incident, coupled with Geoff’s previous behaviour makes Eileen suspicious. Could she be Yasmeen’s surprise salvation?

Tim is shocked to find Yasmeen locked in a box at home…

Despite the horror of what he has put her through, Geoff is still ready to lay all the blame at Yasmeen’s door. However, traumatised by her ordeal, Yasmeen stands up for herself and accuses him of lying about how she got locked in the box, unable to comprehend how he could have done that to her. She makes it clear that this is not how love should be. She shows genuine strength, which only gives me hope for the future of this storyline. But of course, he changes his tactics. He knows he won’t get anywhere with scaring her anymore that day so he makes her feel guilty and sorry for him instead. He denies locking her in the box on purpose and claims to have just been playing a trick on her. Then he breaks down over his previous trauma over the way Tim’s mother treated him, claiming that he thought she had messed the trick up on purpose because that’s what she would have done. He begs forgiveness and begs her not to leave him. She accepts it but something has definitely shifted.

Tim makes a bid to win Sally back by presenting her with his signed divorced papers and an invitation to their wedding. Sally is not impressed.

Daniel apologises to Maria who in turn apologises for Gary’s attack. Gary and Maria explain the miscarriage to Liam but Maria is annoyed when without prior discussion, Gary suggests to Liam that they might have another baby instead. He turns down a desperate customer in need of a loan.

Bethany is still unhappy working for Ray and makes her point by serving his table of colleagues and blatantly telling them that she has been told to flatter them all. Ray is not happy. She and Daniel submit one of her stories to a course in Preston.

Steve and Tracy skip off to a hotel to try and rekindle their romance. Unfortunately, they only end up frustrated with each other, resulting in Steve ending up locked in the bathroom. She seems to have come to the sad realisation that she loves him more than he loves her. She says he is scared of her. He says everyone is scared of her! Well, fair point. However, they do end up reconnecting so perhaps they will be able to move forward now.

It turns out that Nina has been evicted from her flat and is now living on the streets. She eventually turns up at the café and Roy takes her in.

Rita receives the news that her third husband, Dennis Tanner has died. He has his ashes sent to her with a request for her to scatter them in Blackpool. Jenny arranges a party bus with half the cast to do a day trip to Blackpool to celebrate the show’s 10,000^th episode: Rita, Jenny, Sally, Gail, Eileen, Sean, Ken, Tracy, Emma, Amy (who is celebrating her birthday), Mary, Audrey, Evelyn, Carla and Nina all hop on board, dragging reluctant Yasmeen (with a FIVER spending money) along for a ride. Apologies if I’ve missed anyone. Claudia definitely does not join them. Apparently Blackpool is like Vegas for the poor!

While Yasmeen struggles with the pressure of discussing getting locked in the box and spends most of her time reassuring Geoff on the phone that she is not drinking (very much noticed by Eileen), Audrey and Rita end up snapping at each other about times gone by. Ken begins to regret that he has spent his entire life on one road (but what a busy life it’s been!) and quietly reveals his plans to move to a retirement flat round the corner with Claudia. Well, I’m sure that will be thrilling! Nina argues with Tracy and tries to hitchhike home, only to be talked down by Carla. I do like Stable Carla. Yasmeen brings Sally and Tim back together at last with a video call. Sean admits that he feels pushed out of Eileen’s life when once upon a time, they were family. When Emma reveals that Seb has moved out without telling her (he’s scared of her, apparently!), it frees up his room for Sean to move back in. How lovely.

However, the group don’t actually make it to Blackpool as the bus driver has a heart attack at a wee stop. Rita has a tantrum and the urn gets run over by the ambulance, essentially scattering the ashes in a car park (in the most convenient moment of prop placement ever).

On the way home, Rita is finally grateful for her friends who gave up their day to be with her. Back on the Street, she gives Amy her engagement ring, which belonged to the legend that is Elsie Tanner. Amy is thrilled! Rita enjoys an evening in the pub with her friends. Then alone in the bar that night, she recalls memories of times gone by before Jenny comes down and Rita tells her she couldn’t have wished for a better daughter. It’s a lovely way to mark a special moment in the history of Coronation Street as we hear the echoes of so many remarkable characters from the past, who have made the show so very special. Outside, Ken says goodbye to the Street but rest assured, he’s not going far. The credits roll through every sequence in the show’s history, dating right back to its days of black and white. A great episode focussing on so many of the great and longest serving characters.

The 10,000th episode fades to it’s original black and white…

Coronation Street airs on ITV on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:30/8:30pm

Hollyoaks: Finally!

Monday 3^rd – Friday 7^th February 2020

Azim has been left feeling very fragile after Mitchell tirade of homophobic abuse. She confides in Sami, who is furious. Mitchell, meanwhile, is disgusted with himself for his behaviour and confesses to horrified Martine.

Deciding to ramp up their campaign against Martine, Toby and Celeste arrange a party and invite the family and various members of the village. Word spreads that Toby and Celeste have an open marriage, prompting Cindy and Lisa both to flirt with Toby. Hang on… aren’t Toby and Lisa related? Well, I guess Hollyoaks isn’t a stranger to that sort of thing! Stuck up Mandy is embarrassed by most of her friends’ behaviour in front of her new friends who don’t even like her. Walter casually mentions to Toby that he basically raised Mitchell. But then disaster strikes when the police arrive and arrest him for a hate crime; Sami steps forward and tells the whole party what he did to Azim. And it’s all in front of Scott. Toby and Celeste enjoy themselves as Martine lays into Walter for the values he instilled in her son.

While the party couldn’t have gone better as far as Celeste is concerned, Toby is annoyed that Mitchell stole his thunder. Together, they plot their next move – to out Mitchell. Afterwards, Celeste makes a play for smitten Romeo but when she returns to the flat and finds Lisa making a move on Toby, she embarrasses her and sends her packing.

Scott visits Azim to ensure he is okay but Azim is hurt when he defends Mitchell’s behaviour. Together, they go to the police station and Azim drops the charges against Mitchell, who sincerely apologises for what he did. However, Scott makes it clear that Azim is the person he wants to be with and their relationship is over.

The next day, Mitchell discovers that Scott is planning to move to London with Azim. Martine begs her son to be brave and tell Scott how he truly feels. Mitchell breaks down, only to be found by grieving Courtney, who advises him not to waste time being sad and to take every opportunity he can to be happy. Mitchell tracks Scott down and publicly tells Scott that he loves him! Hooray! Celeste watches the whole thing. It promises to be an amazing moment. Scott is clearly in love with Mitchell. The only thing he asks is that Mitchell be brave enough to kiss him right here, right now. Their song, ‘Finally’ plays… but he can’t do it. It’s done. It’s over.

Lisa is embarrassed about cracking onto Toby but he confuses her by flirting with her the next day. They spend the afternoon together at her place where he attempts to get as much information on Walter as possible but of course, she didn’t actually grow up with the family so he’s barking up the wrong tree. And as they’re about to kiss, Walter walks in on them and furious throws Toby out. But not before Toby carefully leaves the picture of Scott and Mitchell in Walter’s Bible. I mean, that is harsh! Walter’s eyes hone in on it as they are serving dinner and it feels to me like Toby is having regrets. Celeste doesn’t seem to have that capacity. Walter is seething with righteous anger, demanding an explanation. And while Lisa is bewildered, Martine desperately tries to support her son who… lies. He tries to say that the photos were faked. Yeah, right.

Walter finds the photo of Mitchell and Scott…

At first, Walter blames Scott. Mitchell lies again that he was drunk and it just happened once. Again, Walter sees through him. He throws Bible quotations at him like knives and eventually, we get to the core of his grief. His brother was gay. And he killed himself. Walter decided from there that he wouldn’t lose anyone else to that kind of sin. However, it is quickly pointed out to him that he his brother had genuine love and support, he would probably still be alive! Walter demands that Mitchell come to church with him to repent of his sin, which the poor lad agrees to, prompting a big row between Walter and his daughter. Walter says some horrific things to her before she and Lisa walk out. Back in the flat, Mitchell is upset over the way his grandfather spoke to his mother. He wonders if that how he spoke to his brother for being gay. He accuses him of controlling everyone and therefore decides to break away from him and be honest with himself – he’s gay and his grandfather cannot change that.

Celeste reports to Toby that the plan worked and the family have been ripped apart. Toby is pleased. He seemed to have recovered from his momentary guilty conscience. They go to bed in separate rooms.

Scott admits to Damon that he’s having second thoughts. He also admits that he doesn’t love Azim but he still loves Mitchell. He does the right thing and lets Azim down and to his credit, Azim is absolutely lovely. He concludes that Scott still loves Mitchell and is compassionate about it, although he tells him that he deserves better, which I tend to agree with.

Walter throws Mitchell out and with nowhere to go, he turns to Scott. They kiss. Then Thursday’s E4 episode begins with the best opening sequence of any soap opera ever! It begins with Scott dreaming of dancing through the village with Mitchell, happy as can be to ‘Finally’, everyone celebrating their love, dancing around! Oh my goodness! It’s so camp and so amazing! I loved it so much I had to watch it twice! Nana McQueen does backflips! Fabulous! All that drama of Mitchell trying to come out was worth it just for that!

In reality, Scott and Mitchell are together but Mitchell and Walter are very much broken. Lisa and Martine end up arguing with Walter in the shop on Mitchell’s behalf with Martine accidentally outing Mitchell in front of half the village. Mitchell is furious. To be fair, walking around clinging to Scott does make it kind of obvious.

While Celeste seduces Romeo, Toby begins to struggle under the strain of their plan. Conflicted over the idea of adultery, Romeo attempts to back off, especially when Celeste openly flirts with him in front of Toby. But it’s not long before they’re back at it again. However, Romeo is left hiding behind the curtains in the lounge when Toby arrives back home! But I’m not convinced Toby and Celeste are even a couple. They sleep in separate rooms. I don’t think we’ve seen them be intimate with each other. And the way they speak to each other isn’t romantic. It’s odd. Very odd…

Diane arranges to go on a proper date with Tony but he panics and can’t go out, arranging for her to go with Edward instead, completely unaware of their fling. While Diane is more than a little awkward, Edward enjoys showing off and eventually, the pair do have a nice time together.

Diane continues to feel broken over the state of her relationship with Tony. Edward pressures Tony to make an effort, telling him he is being a drain on Diane so he arranges a special afternoon with his wife. Things go well until a plate fall off a table, causing a flashback to the pig farm, sending him into a spiral of panic all over again. He rejects the idea of professional help. That night, Diane confides in Edward while Tony weeps alone in his room.

Having overheard Diane confiding in Edward that she is at breaking point with him, Tony decides that he has to change. He makes breakfast for the family in the morning and then heads to The Hutch to prove to Diane that he can cope. Setting his son up for a fall, however, Edward overfills the restaurant and panics him. In the kitchen, making a meal from Edward and Diane, Tony struggles and panics alone. With the food taking longer and longer, Edwards acts more and more frustrated but really he is pleased. Knowing her husband is fighting a losing battle, Diane leaves. She doesn’t want to see him fail. Shortly afterwards, Tony runs out in a state.

Channel 4 at 6:30pm or a sneak peek 7pm on E4

These reviews are based on the E4 episodes