Emmerdale: Kidnapped!

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Pierce makes himself very comfortable with Kim who is surprisingly trusting, although Al threatens to derail his plans when he interrogates him about his qualifications and the name of his firm. He immediately investigates him and discovers that he’s spun a load of lies. But somehow, Pierce is able to explain everything away to Kim’s satisfaction.

Mandy brings April to the prison to see Marlon where he makes his daughter promise not to run away again. They leave him a #FreeMarlonDingle poster to keep him going. Rhona also comes to see him and poses her theory that Kim and Al are behind Graham’s death. She goes to the Outdoor Adventure site to try and find some evidence against Al and Kim. Dawn joins her and mentions that on the day he died, he locked Ryan up in a hut, panicking Charity that Rhona might connect her and Ryan to Graham’s death. She plays down what happened and Dawn apologises to Ryan, worried that she has caused him grief. Rhona is caught on CCTV and questioned by the police for the break in. Kim offers to drop the charges in exchange for a formal apology.

Things remain tense between Charity and Vanessa as Charity remains adamant that she needs to protect Ryan and Vanessa is determined to tell Rhona and the police the truth in order to unburden themselves, help Rhona find the missing pieces she needs and also help Marlon who is behind bars for a crime he didn’t commit. Just as an aside, Vanessa has a pretty hot picture of Charity as her wallpaper on her phone!

Having decided once and for all to tell Rhona the truth, Vanessa is stunned to come face to face with Pierce. He drags Vanessa and Johnny into Laurel’s empty house, absolutely livid to have been seen and therefore to have had his plan derailed. To be fair, he was literally walking out in the open in the middle of the village. What did he expect? It’s a wonder that only Kim and Al have seen him so far!

He puts Johnny upstairs and ties Vanessa up downstairs. He reveals some of his plans and that he killed Graham. They argue and he informs her that nobody is looking for her. Charity thinks that she is angry with her and has gone off on their honeymoon without her. To be fair, at first, people were looking for her but eventually, they just kind of gave up and do think she’s stropped off. Great friends and girlfriend and all that. There’s a horrible moment when Tracey nearly hears her calling and Pierce silences her. Then an even worse moment when she breaks free and they fight and it looks like Pierce might even kill her. But by the end of the week, poor Vanessa is still tied up, all her hope drained from her and worse, Pierce cuts off the baby monitor that lets her communicate with her son upstairs.

Luke appeals to Victoria on behalf of himself and his mother. He wants a relationship with her and now that Wendy has finally accepted that Lee was a rapist, she also wants a chance to get to know Victoria and be a grandmother to Harry. Wendy too tries to apologise to Victoria. Diane takes Wendy under her wing and learns more about her family life. She blames herself for Lee becoming a bully after she and her husband divorced but Diane thinks she is making excuses. Lots of children go through divorce and they don’t turn out the way he did. Include Luke, presumably! She recommends that Wendy give Victoria the space she needs to heal.

Victoria decides to make a go of things with Luke. I know viewers are very divided with this one. I mean, let’s face it, dating your rapist’s brother is very, very odd. But they have written it pretty well. He’s really lovely and there’s a lot of chemistry there. And they’re also not rushing it so, I’m sort of behind them. At the very least I’m willing to see where it goes.

Victoria is utterly exhausted before they even go on their date and ends up falling asleep. Being a gentleman, Luke tucks her up on the sofa and tidies her house. When she wakes up, they watch a film at home together. How sweet.

Cain looks out for Matty on the farm as they become the victim of rustlers. See, they say soaps don’t teach you anything. If someone had asked me last week what a rustler was, I would have suggested it was a person eating crisps in a noisy fashion. Apparently not. These people are after the livestock at the farm. Suddenly noisy crisp eaters aren’t so offensive. No, that’s a lie. Noisy crisp eaters are always offensive. Just as Amy and Matty are about to be taken down by said rustlers, Moira appears out of nowhere, sober and armed with a gun to scare them off! Like a farming superhero! But still sore from her previous behaviour, Matty doesn’t trust her and runs off, worried that she is drunk and out of control. She manages to prove that she has turned things around and is thrilled to be reunited with all her sons.

Kim cancels Andrea’s prospective tenancy, prompting her to threaten to move out of the village completely and take Millie with her. Jamie has other things on his mind, however, when he finds himself back in Belle’s arms. But things come to a swift half when Kim catches them and warns Belle off.

Pete, one of the least interesting soap characters to have ever existed, shuffles out of the Dales. Liv celebrates her eighteenth birthday. Will plans a romantic getaway for Harriet. Despite Leanna objections, Liam and Leyla decide to make a go of things.

Emmerdale is on at 7pm Monday to Friday with a second episode at 8pm on Thursdays

Hollyoaks: Man Up is a Destructive Phrase!

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Edward traumatises Tony at the pig farm…

Diane rightfully frets about her husband’s whereabouts as his monster of a father has taken him to the pig farm. Tony is terrified as Edward forces him in to the barn to confront his fears. When he steps into the cell he called home for months, he locks him in, shouting at him to be a man and sort himself out. Tony does indeed make a breakthrough and does determine to start afresh and fight for himself and his family. He returns home with a whole new perspective on life. He is determined to be a good father and a good husband.

Now, I can’t work out if Edward had intended to break Tony completely at the farm or if his whole plan had been to build him up and break him down. But break him down he does. He is full of snide remarks the next day and by the middle of the week, he is worse than he was before. With Edward setting traps like leaving lolly pops in the house and messages in the mirror, Tony becomes scared and paranoid that Breda might still be alive. Eventually, he agrees to get professional help, which Edward immediately attempts to talk him out of.

Diane is angry with Edward for damaging Tony further by taking him to the pig farm. Edward rejects at call from Tony on Diane’s phone. Tony reluctantly goes to see the Nancy lookalike therapist. She tells him that the things Edward has been saying to him are destructive and asks him to let her help him get better. Tony comes home feeling really positive after his session. He’s cleared his head and has been given medication. He takes Diane out on a Valentine’s date. Now, what’s the betting that at some point, Edward is going to mess with Tony’s meds?

Brody and Warren are very snappy with each other on their Seeking Sienna Road Trip. Thank goodness for Joel and his sing along Proclaimers! Genuinely, the highlight of the week! The boys do bond, however, when Warren opens up to them about his life growing up in a children’s home. When the boys return home empty handed, Warren is quickly arrested but Brody is persuaded to go against Sienna’s claims and get Warren off the charges. What a fool! Well, he pays for it pretty immediately when Sienna finally gets in touch and realises what he’s done. Any hope he had of a reunion are well and truly over. He’s already got her sister pregnant and now he’s betrayed her with the man who stole her kids. What a moron.

Damon supports Liberty at her twelve week scan, as she frets over being abandoned by both Brody and Sienna. He leaves Brody a voicemail about the scan. Brody lays into Warren who ends up consoling and counselling him. Brody gets to the scan just in time. Elated over their baby, Brody and Liberty kiss. What a surprise. Liberty confides in Damon about the kiss. Brody confides in Joel. Liberty decides to leave the village but Brody doesn’t want her to. Liberty assures Brody that her feelings for him are under control. Brody admits that he has feelings for her too but it’s not the right time. What they don’t know is that there is a live feed filming them from the doll’s house straight to Sienna who is plotting her revenge. Psycho Sienna is back!

Joel organises a speed dating night at The Dog. Warren is the only one who pulls and he’s not even participating! The next morning, Mercedes and Goldie return from their holiday and are shocked to find Warren living at the pub (along with the two girls he brought back the night before). She throws the girls out and argues with Warren: cue the beginning of an ignited romance. They’re in bed with each other before the end of the episode! Honestly, is there no such thing as romance anymore?!

Warren and Mercees can’t resist each other…

Ollie gets over excited when he discovers that Brooke has bought baby clothes. He messes up his Valentine’s Day date by buying booties for the baby and bringing up the idea of raising the baby again. Ollie confides in Luke about Brooke and the baby. Luke pledges his support to Ollie, who is thrilled at the thought that he and Luke could bring the baby up together. Of course, Ollie doesn’t know about Luke’s illness. Also, when did Ollie break his leg?

Maxine is horrified to learn she is being evicted for non-payment of rent. Her landlady is also a Poundland version of Grace Black. While Maxine stalls by falling back on her imaginary illness, the landlady gives her a day to stump up some of the cash but if she doesn’t hand it over, there’ll be trouble. She leaves Minnie with Damon but doesn’t tell him the real reason why. With no options left, Maxine turns to Liam for help. He feigns friendship, pretending that he doesn’t blame her for Jesse’s death when he clearly does and gives her a job at the salon.

Maxine thinks Liam is being kind by giving her a job at the salon…

Channel 4 at 6:30pm or a sneak peek 7pm on E4

These reviews are based on the E4 episodes

Neighbours: Plain Jane Super Brain

(Monday 10^th – Friday 14^th February 2020)

Jane Harris returns to Erinsborough and she seems to have a real spring in her step. It soon transpires, at least to us, that she has a new man in her life. However, all is not as it seems as she speaks to him on the phone about making a ‘transfer’ and by the next day, the champagne she’s bought and the hotel room she’s decorated have all gone to waste and her mood is completely destroyed. Poor Jane.

When Paul spots Jane in a state, demanding that her room be cleaned up (and also claiming that the decoration was a mistake), he takes it as another opportunity to lay into Chloe. However, he is suitable concerned about Jane’s state of mind and frustrated when she won’t open up to him. She does open up to Dipi though. Richard, the man she has been talking to online, now doesn’t want anything to do with her – since she transferred him all of her savings. Dipi is supportive and encourages her to speak to the police. Jane remains convinced that it’s all a misunderstanding until Dipi discovers that the photo he used is a stock photo from the Internet. Jane starts a job teaching at the school where Harlow behaves really oddly around her. Susan, who is already perplexed that Jane would accept such a junior position, catches Jane searching through files in her office.

With Paul still on her back and fearing she is not impressing Lucy, Chloe comes up with the idea of holding a wedding expo at the hotel. Her USP is that she is able to get a vaguely royal wedding dress. Elly helps her prep, giving hope to all the #chelly fans out there. She pitches the idea to Paul, who remains unconvinced. However, all the Neighbours fans out there will be aware that the show’s 35^th birthday is coming up soon and it will fear FIVE WEDDINGS (and three deaths!) so presumably Chloe’s idea will be a success (please let Skye and Lana be one of the weddings! Please!)

Finn opens up to Bea and Susan about his father, Trent and considers contacting him. Interfering Bea jumps the gun and contacts him herself. Always helpful. She and Elly arrange to meet Trent and discover that he did gather together the ransom money to rescue his son. Unfortunately, being an alcoholic at the time, he got drunk, slept with a woman at his hotel and she stole the cash. He then left Columbia with his tail between his legs and Finn was left abandoned to his kidnappers as his wife was only ever interested in rescuing Shaun. While Bea and Elly are eager for Trent to reconnect with Finn, they implore him not to tell him that he was too drunk and useless to save him.

Father and son do reconnect but Finn grows suspicious when he later sees Trent and Elly arguing. He confronts Elly and Bea over what they are clearly keeping from him. They are forced to tell him the truth. He is devastated and storms out. Elly catches up with him and he opens up to her about everything he went through and how his parents let him down.

Desperate to resolve the situation with Zenin, Ned enlists Kyle’s help in buying a gun from him and reporting it to the police to get him arrested. Unfortunately, Yashvi finds the gun and is utterly furious with Ned for his stupid plan. The next day, having reported it all, Zenin isn’t immediately arrested, although the police assure them they are dealing with it. Later, Zenin texts Yashvi. Something odd is going on…

Meanwhile, poor Kyle is an absolute mess. While Aaron and David and a very excited and supportive Paul are getting very excited about Mardi Gras, there is a very cute moment where a confetti cannon explodes and Kyle nearly craps himself. He later sets one off on purpose to prove he’s fine.

Against Shane’s request, Karl is busy keeping an eye on Dipi and Gary and is shocked when he witnesses the pair seemingly too comfortable together at the house. However, Dipi decides that now might be the time to try and speak to Shane. Unfortunately, that all goes out the window when Shane and Roxy get rostered on together and Dipi witnesses them sharing a bit of a moment. Furious, she comes home to rant to Gary. Karl peers over the fence at just the wrong moment – Dipi plants a kiss on stunned Gary. Overwhelmed with guilt, Dipi resolves to tell Shane the truth but of course, meddling Karl gets there first. Shane is furious but also deeply hurt when he realises that Dipi initiated the kiss. Karl is apologetic, especially when he realises that the woman he overheard him lamenting over was actually Prue, not Dipi.

Dipi and Shane finally talk things through, leading him to make a really sweet romantic gesture. He takes them through their whole relationship, reminding them of everything they’ve been through and pledging his commitment to their future. Now, we know from the promo for their 35^th anniversary that three people are going to die. Shane and Dipi have been through a massive upheaval. Now they’re desperately in love again. They are prime candidates for being killed off…

Channel 5, 1:45pm and 5:30pm