Coronation Street

Maria is living in denial this week when she is literal told the bare truth about Gary’s crimes and yet refuses to believe it.  She starts the week by revealing to Gary that she’s pregnant and the pair of them get completely swept up with the idea of moving in together and starting a family.  He even buys her a car.  Worried and also rather jealous, Ali confronts Maria with the truth about Gary’s life as a loan shark and complete with her discovery that her stupid handbag isn’t really a fake, Maria does confront Gary with her suspicions.  However, the slimy rat somehow manages to explain everything away and the silly idiot somehow believes him.  I mean, boring Ali isn’t exactly a better option but still… with her wealth of experience with terrible men, you’d have thought Maria would be a little choosier by now!

Speaking of terrible men, Geoff returns home from Las Vegas with poor Yasmeen and somehow, he has manipulated and bullied her into marrying him.  I mean, we didn’t witness it but I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened.  Because he is one of the vilest characters that soap has ever seen.  I absolutely hate this storyline.  But I love it for its purpose and importance and education.  It is absolutely breaking my heart and I hope that everyone is learning a lesson from it.

Anyway, aside from the utter stupidity of Tim suddenly discovering that Las Vegas weddings are in fact legal and legitimate (has he never watched Friends?!), meaning that his current marriage to Sally is null and void, we are now stuck with the horror of our Yasmeen being legally bound to Geoff.  His first port of call is to begin driving as big a wedge between her and Alya as he possibly can, sniping at her for apparently staying the night at the house without permission and accusing her of not being happy for them.  Eventually, he manages to persuade her to stay away from the celebration party, explaining that it’s for Yasmeen’s own good but then tells his new wife that Alya was rude to him and didn’t want to come.  The party is generally successful apart from Sally being handed a glass with a lipstick mark on it and Cathy finding a small piece of crab shell in her food.  Minor incidents, one would think.  Not in Yasmeen’s situation.  Things become very dark after the party when Geoff lashes out at her, attempting to force her to eat a discarded crab shell.  It’s horrific viewing, with Yasmeen backed against the wall, looking genuinely frightened of her new husband as he warns her not to make such a mistake again.  I’m sure I wasn’t alone as I begged her to reach out and seek help.

Meanwhile, Robert is the Street’s least popular resident and finds himself arrested for assault, backed up with blood evidence from the house and his van.  Daniel gets drunk and falls into the road in front of poor Cathy’s car.  Then he decides to prove he can grow facial hair.  While Rita continues to feel like a lonely spare part, Gemma and Chesney bring all four babies home.  Tim thinks he can solve the mess he’s in by proposing to Sally.  Yes, confirming your fake marriage.  That will help!

Doctors

It’s a very dark week in Letherbridge as we finally discover the truth about Gareth.  He fails to get his job back and the complaint against him is escalated as he is quite rightfully accused of drug abuse, specifically cocaine.  Well, that would explain stealing from the till at The Icon and all the money he has been gladly accepting from hapless Emma.  He decides to solve his problems by taking more cocaine and is caught out by Emma who is so desperate for love and also caught up in this weird competition she’s having with Zara that she gets over her horror and forgives him, determined to get him help to overcome his addictions.

In the meantime, Gareth has an argument with Adam who is on his way back to see Zara who is getting herself very excited (and undressed) and ready for her boyfriend’s return.  He has great news – he has been granted a prestigious award and is eager to tell his brother all about it.  But Gareth, who let’s face it must be the disappointing child in the family, takes his brother’s achievement as a sign of showing off.  He abandons Emma and heads round to Zara’s house where she understandable mistakes him for Adam and drags him off to the bedroom.  He doesn’t correct her, eager to take her for himself and therefore take her away from Adam.  Thankfully, Zara realises her mistake pretty quickly but Gareth is intent on getting what he wants.  In some pretty horrific scenes, especially for daytime telly, Gareth attempts to rape Zara who fights back spectacularly.  She stabs him in the leg with her six inch heels and locks him in her bedroom, running downstairs to call the police.  She refuses to be treated like a victim when he escapes and the police, led by Rob give chase, although it’s clear that she is very shaken.  It will take her a long time to recover from this, I think and I also think it’s a safe bet that her relationship with Adam is dead in the water.  For starters, he looks identical to Gareth.  And secondly, his instinct was to play the hero and capture him rather than to comfort her.  Cue Zara and Daniel getting back together?

While Gareth remains unrepentant in his cell, both The Icon and Emma’s house are searched for cocaine and Jimmi misses his chance to break the news gently to Emma over what has happened.

In other news, Karen is delighted to learn that it wasn’t actually her who was speeding in the Pool Car, it was Valerie and wastes no time in breaking the news to her.  Well, to be fair, Valerie has been less than gracious about the whole thing.  Bear gets tested for dyslexia and decides to treat it as a superpower instead of a disability.  Excellent!

Eastenders

Phil finally grows suspicious of the baby’s paternity but gets the wrong end of the stick and thinks that Jack might be the father of the baby, recalling that once upon a time, he and Sharon nearly got married.  Oh yes, that time she wore a really strange black wedding dress.  I remember.

With the walls closing in around her, Sharon tells Lisa everything, banking on the fact that if she knows it’s actually Keanu that’s the father, she won’t ruin Louise’s life by telling the truth.  This backfires, however and Lisa rushes to the hospital more determined than ever to spill the beans.  After some quite hilarious birth scenes thanks to some excellent one liners from Louise, baby Peggy Melanie Taylor (fabulous tribute to Dame Barbara Windsor) is born.  Lisa continuously tries to find a moment to tell Louise the truth but is interrupted when baby Peggy suddenly stops breathing.  By the time she is stable again, Lisa gives up, deciding that Louise deserves her happy ending with Keanu and the baby.  She tells Phil that she made a mistake.  I suspect that this is not over.  I mean, Christmas is only round the corner everyone…!

Louise is released from hospital and everything looks like it’s all going to be fine for the Mitchell and Taylor clan at last.  Phil is even behaving like Scrooge after he has been visited by the Christmas Ghosts.  That is, until he catches Sharon out in her lie about having been at Dennis’s parents’ evening when she should have been at the hospital (she was visiting Lisa).  When he casually questions her, she lies again and this time, everything slots into place (apart from the actual paternity of the baby, which he still thinks is Jack).  This theory isn’t helped by sending Ben round to see Jack and him finding the necklace that Sharon lent to Linda for court, which she must have left there when she passed out after a night drinking with Max.  So, we’re definitely on course for a big Christmas Mitchell Showdown then!  Excellent.

Weirdo Leo is alarmed when his mother shows up in Walford, having got wind of his location and likely his intentions.  She clearly knows exactly what sort of man his vile father was, even if he doesn’t believe it and she begs him to come home.  He insists that he has not and will not come into contact with Whitney but when she phones him, he is quickly caught out in a lie.  And he does what any sane person does when caught out in a lie to their mother, beats the living daylight out of her!  In the middle of the Square where apparently nobody even notices.  Then a few hours later, he wanders into the pub to meet Whitney as if nothing even happened.  As you do!  Honestly, the attack just came out of nowhere.  Awful.  Really violent.

Callum continues to be suspicious of Leo, especially when he warns him to stay away.  His fears reignite Tiffany’s concerns.  She phones good old Bianca, demanding to know why she told her to stay away from him at the wedding.  The truth comes tumbling out and it’s a race against time for Tiffany and Callum to track the couple down at a hotel.  I mean, I say that but just FYI, if I was relying on someone to rescue me, the time it took them to arrive, I would not choose Callum and Tiff to be my heroes.  At the hotel, Leo and Whitney have been enjoying a rather intimate time in the shower (yuck!) when Callum and Tiffany finally get through to her on the phone, spelling out to her exactly who she has just slept with.  Leo stops her from making her escape.  He is determined to force her to tell the truth about what happened between her and Tony but struggles to come to terms with the actual truth – that he groomed and abused her.  Hats off to Shona McGarty for her retelling of that particular storyline.  I’m glad that Eastenders have started to put her centre-stage again and they realise how lucky they are to have her.  With the truth having hit him in the face, Leo leaves and rescues his battered mother from the boot of the car and attempts to make friends again.  Funnily enough, she isn’t interested.  Callum and Tiffany finally arrive but Whitney has saved herself.  Her family and friends do their best to look after her the next day and everyone is relieved that Leo is gone.  Except he hasn’t.  The creep is still lurking in the shadows.  Watching.

Ian continues to treat hardworking Ruby like dirt but the final straw comes when she realises that he has been lying to her about granting her a late licence for E20 and then demands that she publicly distances herself from her father.  With the help of Max, she humiliates him at his launch, messing with his speech and defacing his poster.  Oh well.  It couldn’t have happened to a less pompous, selfish, arrogant guy.

Martin has given into the darkness and taken up a new job with Tubbs now that Ben is ‘going straight’ so to speak.  He begins to splash the cash, buying Bex a car and some intensive driving lessons.  On the other hand, he completely loses it with Kat and Kush for sending Arthur away to spend time with Stacey and her new boyfriend.

Emmerdale

Aaron’s stalker-like behaviour continues to frighten Wendy and it leads to a telling off at work from Liam and Manpreet when she thinks he has followed her to work.  Apparently he had just made an appointment.  Chas and Liv are desperately concerned about his behaviour but as it turns out, he is being steered by Victoria who is determined to get Wendy out of the village so she can raise her baby in peace.

One morning, Wendy drives off to work, accidentally leaving her bag on her roof.  Bob chases after her, sending her into sheer panic, thinking that Aaron is hunting her down.  Having been the only person to show her any kindness, he looks after her but questions whether the Village is the right place for her if she is this stressed out.  I predict a Christmas romance…

Meanwhile, Aaron has nabbed Wendy’s keys and let himself into her house, coming face to face with Luke.  They argue, Luke defending his mother despite the fact that he clearly disagrees with her (he really is a nice guy, what a shame it was Lee that Victoria met that night – although, that wouldn’t have been a very good storyline, I suppose!) and begging Aaron to stop his terror campaign against her.  He refuses, of course and smashes up the house.  Liv arrives in time to stop him from smashing Luke up but gets hit in the face in the process.  Ouch.  Afterwards, Luke begs his mother to leave the Village and in front of Aaron, Diane and Victoria, begs her to face reality – Victoria is telling the truth.  Lee was a rapist.

Archie ruins a special moment for Arthur as he is about to put a sentimental decoration on the Christmas Tree in memory of Ashley.  Surprisingly, Arthur’s bullying seems to go down a treat with Nicola’s kids, particularly Angel who cruelly joins in with the taunting.  It gets too much for little Archie who snaps and slaps her, right at the wrong moment as Jimmy sees and grabs him away from his daughter.  Of course this leads to Jai jumping to the wrong conclusion that Jimmy has been hurting his son after all and a huge row ensues.  For a moment, Archie wavers over telling his father and Laurel the truth about why he slapped Angel but Arthur’s presence soon warns him not to.  Have I mentioned how much I object to this storyline?

Arthur persuades Archie to run away and hide in the woods.  Taking him at his word, that night, the little boy does just that, causing chaos and distress in the morning when nobody can find him.  Arthur is sent to school as usual but worried and guilty, he slips away and goes to find Archie himself, bringing him back with a cover story.  Of course, Archie’s disappearing act has yet more consequences for Jimmy – everyone now believes that Archie was so frightened of him that he felt he needed to flee.  Devastated, Jimmy apologises to Archie but Jai is furious and accuses him of child abuse in the middle of the whole pub.  Jimmy insists that he had nothing to do with any bruising and good old Dan is quick to stand up for his friend.  Jai is defensive and hostile when Social Services come knocking.  When pushed to choose between her friends and her partner, Laurel chooses Jai.

Convinced that Graham will find out for himself whether he is Millie’s father or not, Kim sends Andrea, Jamie and Millie away on a short holiday to get them out of the way.  However, the trip is pointless because:

1. Rhona manages to get a DNA sample from Millie before they leave
2. They only go away for about 24 hours
3. Kim doesn’t manage to do anything other than fart arse about and have slightly threatening conversations during their absence.  Oh and she also arranges for Nate to set Rhona up to look like she’s left a gate open at the farm to let some turkeys to escape – wow!

I think Kim of Home Farm has lost her touch since the days of watching Frank Tate die so heartlessly!  Or is she just gathering momentum for the big finish?

Rhona is contacted by an old friend who offers her a job in France.  However, Graham warns him away, believing that he is working for Kim, which he is.  But while Rhona and Graham argue about Graham’s apparent paranoia about Kim and Rhona’s understandable anxiety about violence, Kim warns Rhona’s friend that their deal is off if he cannot persuade both Rhona and Graham to move away.

As if they have read the spoilers for an Eastenders storyline, the villagers decide to put on their own pantomime, carefully putting Leyla and Liam together as a future couple.  It seems like only a week or two ago that Liam was in love with Bernice.  Oh wait…

Oh and a random bloke shows up and everyone instantly recognises him as Ellis even though he looks and sounds absolutely nothing like the Ellis that left a few weeks ago.  Odd.  Also, in some irony, one of his first scenes involves him breaking up a fight and fighting is how the actor who played the previous Ellis got sacked.  And that’s your soap trivia for the week!  You’re welcome!

Hollyoaks

John Paul is quite rightfully appalled to have been brought back to the Village under false pretences and then be faced with having to deal with the boy who raped him when he has spent all these years trying to put that trauma behind him.  He refuses to even engage with Edward and Sally and immediately arranges to return to Singapore.  He bumps into James having a spat with Liam about dealing drugs to Sid, who he found in a right state with Juliet desperately trying to look after him (they have since been separated), casually mentions that he and Craig have split up for the millionth time and is then persuaded to finally get to have his say with Finn before he goes home.

It’s an emotionally charged scene between John Paul, Finn and Diane and all credit the writers, the actors and everyone at Hollyoaks for pulling it off.  I was genuinely upset by the end of it.  The whole repentance storyline for Finn has been hard to deal with over the past few weeks because those of us who watched the original story will know how hideous and brutal it was.  Finn was an absolutely monster.  He bullied and tormented John Paul before eventually raping him, not to mention the mental torture he inflicted on him afterwards.  Then he attempted to rape Nancy.  But now, he genuinely seems to be trying to make up for what he has done.  It’s not like a typical soap story where there is an underlying evil working behind the scenes.  It’s genuine repentance for the most hideous crime and cruelty.  It’s the hardest request for forgiveness.

However, the issue that John Paul really raises in his discussion with Finn and Diane (and Edward, Nancy and Sally when they join them) is that if he truly is sorry for all he has done, he needs to leave the Village because he needs to understand that his presence there is causing people yet more pain.  It’s damaging Diane because of her constant need to protect him.  It’s damaging Nancy because it reminds her every day of what he did to her.  It’s damaging Sally because it reminds her that she wasn’t there to protect her son and it also stops her from seeing him because he can’t visit while Finn lives there.  Returning to the scene of his crime makes his crime continue.

Taking John Paul’s words into account, Finn leaves and sadly, doesn’t say goodbye to Yazz.  Edward, the person that actually is scheming behind everyone’s backs, tells her that Finn was only using her to gain sympathy from people.  He destroys her by informing her that people feel sorry for her now that she is deaf.

James starts out the week trying to punish Liam for his role in Harry’s death and also for selling drugs to Sid.  By the end of the week, they have teamed up together as business partners.  And just as I was musing to myself that they seemed to be a little flirty and I was dismissing it as Liam is one of the most heterosexual men soap has ever seen, they were at it right there in the club office!  Well, there you go then.  Soap wonders never cease to create very interesting pairings!  Two slightly psychotic, power hungry villains, both of whom always want to be in charge all the time, dating.  Or at least sleeping together.  As for poor Sid, he’s now sleeping rough.

Mercedes is left panicked when she finds herself being left notes and is also attacked by some barrels.  She is left in shock however when she realises that it is her own son, Bobby who is tormenting her.  He apologises, explaining that he was just so sure that Sylver is not guilty.  Maintaining to Breda that she is telling the truth about Sylver, Mercedes considers retracting her statement for the sake of her son’s wellbeing.  Breda is being sickeningly nice to Mercedes.  I just don’t trust her.  She is obsessed with Sylver.  There is no way she would abandon him (especially not after having already let him serve her time once) and adopt Mercedes.  Well, not unless she was the shooter…  Then she would sacrifice anyone!

Anyway, more evidence comes to light on Mercedes’ case, casting doubt on Sylver being the culprit.  Some blood has apparently been found at the scene (but has only been mentioned now apparently).  Grace is quick to broadcast this in the pub in front of as many people as possible.  This causes Diane a lot of anxiety as it turns out, the blood is hers.  She went to The Loft that night to confront Mercedes but backed out before they even saw each other.  The police are sceptical of her story until she can provide proof from CCTV at The Hutch.  Edward saw her and called her back and once in The Hutch, they ended up kissing, interrupted by shots being fired, therefore confirming the time that Mercedes was actually shot.  One thing Diane doesn’t mention is that outside, they bumped into Grace.  Aware that at some point people will find out about them anyway, Diane decides to go for it with Edward.

With Bobby pining for Sylver, Mercedes decides to taking him to the prison and bring out her husband’s angry side in front of their son to show him who he really is and that he belongs behind bars.  Firstly, way to mess up your kid a bit more, Mercedes.  Secondly, as if you’d ever be allowed to go and see the man who you say shot you, just like that – and bring your child along!  Anyway, she does attempt to wind him up, as they argue about Grace (who he rejects again despite her fighting for his release) and Liam (who has clearly forgotten all about Mercedes now!) but rather than getting angry, Sylver suddenly realises that it was all a jealous revenge plan and that they still love each other.

Home and Away: Mangrove River

This week, we are with the gang from Mangrove River – Patrick O’Connor (Dean Thompson), Emily Wier (Mackenzie Booth), Tim Franklin (Colby Thorne) and Courtney Miller (Bella Nixon) who is actually well into her twenties and has a degree, something which kind of freaked me out a little as she’s still in school on the show.  I know there are often age gaps on TV but this one seems massive.  Anyway, sadly one of my favourites, Sarah Roberts (Willow Harris) is missing.

The group discuss following in the footsteps of the legendary River Boys Gang and the Braxton Family, although their version of the River Boys is very different.  They talk about their first scenes on the show including recusing Bella from her father and that Colby’s main reason for joining the police force was to find his sister.  They suspect that Ross’s death won’t stay a secret forever.  They discuss Bella’s online grooming storyline.

We see Emily’s audition tape and chemistry test with Tim.  It was always the plan to get Colby and Mac together.  They are very complimentary about each other!  Courtney comments on the fact that Colby was dumped by Chelsea for being a River Boy and then he was dumped by Mac for being a cop.  She thinks that Bella will go to any lengths imaginable to interfere in her brother’s love life but she hopes she will find love herself one day. 

Patrick (who is dating Sophie Dillman (Ziggy Astoni) in real life) is happy with Dean and Ziggy’s relationship and that Dean has some stability in his life now.  They discuss his mental health storyline involving his mother, Karen.

Patrick takes the audience in to the writer’s room to meet various members of staff including Series Producer Lucy Addario, Editor Terry Coombes and Head Writer Louise Bowes.  Apparently it takes about three and a half months to script an episode!  They have twenty freelance writers and ten in-house writers.  They reference a new family coming to the Bay.  (I believe we meet the first member of this family in the Australian Season Finale, which UK viewers will see in February).  I don’t know why there is such a massive gap between episodes in Australia and the UK.  It’s not the same with Neighbours.

What do the cast wish for their characters for the New Year?

Emily/Mac:                 To sort out her relationships with Colby, Dean and Bella

Tim/Colby:                  Romance!

Courtney/Bella:           That she calms down!

Patrick/Dean               A long term relationship with Ziggy

Neighbours

With Hendrix having attempted to run off to Sydney, Pierce manages to catch up with him just in time.  When Pierce decides to cancel the wedding completely, Hendrix agrees to attend, not wanting to ruin Chloe’s special day.  However, after the wedding, he decides not to go on holiday with them or live with them anymore.  Now, I’m not a massive Hendrix fan but it’s nice to see a bit of depth to him at last rather than just a cocky teenager.  We still have yet to see anything deeper than a puddle in Pierce’s personality.  So dull.  The most we have ever got out of him is his explanation that he was basically a sperm donor to create his kids and asked to stay away by his ex-partner but of course Hendrix cannot know that.  But still, I am waiting for some kind of personality to emerge.

Finn’s hopes that his mother has changed and wants to build a relationship with him in the wake of Shaun’s death are dashed when he discovers her intentions over Elly’s baby.  She is convinced that Elly is going to mess up and she wants him to spy on her so that she can be there to swoop in and take over when she does.  He refuses.  Unfortunately, in light of the whole photo album incident, Susan gets the wrong end of the stick when Finn tries to draw Elly and Claudia together so his mother can see how great Elly is.  Well, I say the wrong end of the stick…

Leo flies in from New York to see David, who is struggling to fight an infection.  Leo gets tested to be a donor (he isn’t a match and nor is Roxy who also gets tested).  Kyle, meanwhile decides to use a large portion of his class action money to pay towards Aaron and David’s mortgage.  The boys reluctantly accept and David genuinely forgives Kyle for running him over, knowing it was an accident.  And that’s why David is one of the loveliest characters soap has ever seen.  If they kill him or ruin him in any way, they will not be forgiven.  They already have a black mark against their name for killing Sonya!  I think I’m more upset than Toadie!

Meanwhile, Amy has a pregnancy scare, which from her perspective genuinely is a scare as it seems everything with Kyle since the sex tape scandal and now David’s accident seems to have changed.  While Kyle is eager to start a family with Amy ASAP, she doesn’t feel she is ready at all.  This is such an annoying storyline.  I mean, why put Amy and Kyle back together at long last if they are just going to destroy them?!  They’re not Aaron and David, of course but they’re such a lovely couple.  Anyway, Kyle has the bright idea of bringing Jimmy over from New York to see his mother but Leo puts him off.

Gary helps Dipi and Shane make up.  Shane, Ned and Yashvi hopefully put an end to this stupid fight club story.  I mean, please.  It’s on my Christmas list along with the end of the Robert storyline in Coronation Street.  And Harlow and Roxy head off to meet Harlow’s psychotic father, Robert Robinson.  So that’s going to end well…